I will never forget the feeling of "coming home" when I opened the door to BDSM. My whole being was able to relax knowing I was submissive and that I was not the only one. I was also excited beyond belief and felt like I had so much to learn about this new side of me that was just coming into light. Information about this new person was only a click away on some website or the next page in the book. I wanted to know everything I could and I didn't want to wait. This is often the experience with someone who is new to submission - there is a lot to learn and it feels like you need to know it all right now to fully participate in your life. (Note from lunaKM: See Sub Frenzy to learn more about this phenomenon.)

What if we looked at kink like a huge buffet spread. Mmmmm...that looks amazing! There are so many offerings on the table it goes from one end of a huge hall to the other. There are delights you have only dreamed about and ones that have a more familiar feel to what you already know.

You can approach the table in one of two ways.

Plate 1: You start at one end and take a little bit of everything because it all looks so good and you pile it high on your plate when the bottom layer starts to run out of room. Then you find yourself a seat and you start devouring all the goodies you managed to collect. Your stomach starts to hurt as you quickly stuff it all in. You have been sampling so many foods, all the tastes start to blend together. You can't quite remember what you have eaten. Your stomach tries to digest all of this food at once and you feel bloated and icky.

Plate 2: You take a walk down the table first, without putting anything on your plate - no commitments yet. You take some very quick glances to see exactly what is offered now. Then you go back and pick just a few items that piqué your curiosity and then you head to the table and start to eat the selection you have picked to check out today. You savour each of the samples you have and you know which ones really make your taste buds dance and which you might not pick next time. You think about the foods you are eating and you don't rush your dining experience. You sit back, and your stomach starts to digest and you can relax and feel nourished by the meal.

Which option sounds the most nourishing? I think most of us would agree that plate 2 sounds better.

When we approach our learning about BDSM and kink, it is presented to us in very much the same way. With websites, books, classes, fetish parties, and munches, the opportunities to sample from this big buffet are huge! It is tempting when we are new to load up on everything all at once and attempt to take it all in as fast as possible. But it can leave us feeling confused about what we liked, what we didn't, and where to go next.

A healthier approach is when we slow ourselves down and decide on only a few items to sample. We take those in and then we take the time to digest - or in this case, reflect about what we have taken in. Think about what you learned. How does it sit with your current values? Did anything feel unsettling? What excited you even further? It is great to have a curiosity about what is in front of you, but it is even more beneficial when you take the time to interpret all the information that is coming in. Many will find that writing it out can be helpful (or if you are artistic, maybe drawing) for many and it may help you see how your understanding of different concepts have changed over time. Just like you might not like brussels sprouts the first 5 times you tried them and then encounter them cooked a little differently and suddenly, they aren't so bad anymore.

You have been presented with a great opportunity to learn about yourself through your submissive journey. When everything is new and exciting, it can be easy to get swept away in the moment and want to do it all right now. But it can leave you feeling confused and no further ahead than you were when you started. Pick a few things that really get your curiosity going and find a way to sample it. Then let that sink in.

It isn't easy to slow down when something feels so right and captures our excitement. How are you slowing down to enjoy the flavours of this delicious kinky buffet?