Full Question: How do I feel safe using safewords again after they have been violated/ignored by a previous partner? Answer: I’m so sorry to hear you had a bad experience with a previous play partner. First and foremost, prioritize your healing from the previous violation. Take the time you need to process what happened and […]
How do I feel safe using safewords again after they were ignored previously? Read More »
Full Question: How to be more confident in BDSM when new? Answer: It can be hard to be confident in BDSM, no matter how much experience you have. But when you are new, I feel that confidence comes from a few places, and the good news is that you can work on all of them!
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Full Question: What are some ideas for keeping long-distance D/s engaged and spicy? Answer: Building an engaged long-distance D/s relationship takes a lot of patient work, but with some simple ideas, you can keep your relationship going with lots of connection and spicy play. First, a long-distance relationship will rely on a lot of communication,
What are some ideas for keeping long-distance D/s engaged and spicy? Read More »
Full Question: How can I avoid getting too attached to or developing romantic feelings for a Dominant with whom I’m not in a romantic relationship? Answer: Whether you’re in a casual relationship with this Dominant or just a really good friend and are beginning to crush on them, trying to avoid developing feelings of love
Full Question: How do you take care of yourself during sub drop when your dominant is either too busy with other things to be able to help you or experiencing dom drop themselves? Answer: I can empathize! Managing sub drop on your own can be done and I recommend all submissives have a sub drop
How do you take care of yourself during sub drop when your Dom isn’t available? Read More »
Full Question: Can you talk about punishment dynamics? What’s fair? What’s too much? How do you negotiate it? Answer: A punishment dynamic is a consensual agreement between partners that the Dominant one will watch and correct poor behavior in the submissive. This can be from following rules and particular instructions or used to break bad
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Full Question: Tips for a new submissive going into the lifestyle with a Dom who is also new. Answer: What an exciting time! When you first embark on exploring BDSM and D/s relationships, there’s a lot of new information that is likely to overwhelm you. It can be difficult when you have so many questions
What are some tips for couples who are both new to BDSM? Read More »
Full Question: I am a new dom. How do I not come off as a fake dom? Answer: Understandably, when you are new, you feel like everyone is judging you as “real” or “fake,” and it can be hard to find real connections. So, let’s start with what a fake dom really is and talk
I’m new, how do I not look like a fake Dom? Read More »
Full Question: Hi! Please, I need help with some rules for a first date. I can’t find it on Fetlife. Thank you so much. Answer: First and foremost, this is a date. It’s just like any other date you may have been on. The only difference is that you are dating someone to see if
Are there rules for a first date with a Dominant? Read More »
Full Question: How can I approach a Dominant? Answer: Many submissives struggle to approach Dominants due to fear of not appearing submissive as the pursuer. However, it is possible to approach a Dominant with confidence. Here are some tips: Face-to-Face: Online: Overall, confidence, authenticity, and assertiveness are key when approaching Dominants, whether in person or
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Full Question: What’s a good way to bring up your BDSM interests to see if a counselor or therapist is accepting of kink? Answer: I understand how you would want to find a therapist who understands and accepts alternative relationships and sexuality so that you have a safe space for your therapy. As with any
How do you find a kink-friendly therapist? Read More »
Full Question: How do I talk to my Dom that I want more pain, especially in spankings? He is worried about hurting me and nervous, but I am okay with it, so how do I show him how and support him in this? Answer: Your desire for more pain is making you ignore something very
How do I talk to my Dom that I want more pain, especially in spankings? Read More »
Full Question: How do you know when you’re ready to start sub-training? Answer: It depends on what you consider submissive training. First, let’s discuss what the word ‘training’ really means in a D/s dynamic setting. When you undergo training, what is really meant is that you are learning the mannerisms, behavior, attitude, and activities that
How do you know when you’re ready to start sub training? Read More »
Full Question: [Trimmed for brevity.] I’m dating a guy who is my potential Dom. He doesn’t DO much of what he talks about. It feels like he’s becoming my kind-of-kinky boyfriend. That’s not what I want. We’ve talked about what I’m seeking & what he wants. In talks, it seems like a perfect match, but
How do I have a difficult conversation with my partner about my needs? Read More »
Full Question: How do I ask my Dominant for what I want without sounding demanding? Answer: First, communication is the only way your Dominant will know anything about what you want and need, so talking about those things is important to the health of your relationship and your submissive journey. Healthy communication styles require practice
How do I ask my Dominant for what I want without sounding demanding? Read More »
Full Question: How does a brat differ from any other submissives? Answer: Brats get a bad rap among other BDSM participants, and it’s likely because they always look like they want to annoy people. But that’s not really the whole of it. A brat is a bottom or submissive who enjoys misbehaving for attention and
How does a brat differ from any other submissive? Read More »
Full Question: I’m starting to enter a long-distance d/s relationship as a sub. You have a lot of excellent articles about self-aftercare for subs in long-distance relationships, which I’ve made good use of, but do you have any advice for how to look after your dom long distance? Answered by Kayla Lords: You raise an
How Do I Take Care of My Dominant Long Distance? Read More »
Full Question: How do you feel about self-collaring? Answer: I don’t think my personal opinion about self-collaring is necessary, but I would like to talk about what it is and why it can create conflict within the community (and it shouldn’t). A BDSM collar can have different meanings. It can show ownership, devotion, or submission.
What is self-collaring? Read More »
Full Question: I’ve recently given myself to my first dom. It’s an online LDR, but I feel deeply connected to him. we’ve only been talking for about a month, but I have very strong feelings toward him. I’m not sure how deeply he feels for me. Should I separate myself from these feelings or embrace
I have strong feelings for my new Dom, should I keep them secret? Read More »
Full Question: How do I feel connected with my Dominant the weeks we don’t see each other? Answer: It’s never easy to face being alone when you’d rather be spending time with your Dominant partner. Working on hobbies, hanging out with friends, and interacting with the BDSM community are great for distracting you and making
How do I feel connected with my Dominant the weeks we don’t see each other? Read More »
