Full Question: How to be more confident in BDSM when new?
Answer:
It can be hard to be confident in BDSM, no matter how much experience you have. But when you are new, I feel that confidence comes from a few places, and the good news is that you can work on all of them!
Knowledge
A lot of uncertainty about BDSM is the lack of information. If you take some time to gather research about the things you are uncertain about before you consider finding a partner or engaging with your current partner, you will have a solid foundation from which to build.
There are a lot of ways to gain knowledge about BDSM. There are online sources, like Submissive Guide and other sites, there are kink educators on YouTube and TikTok, there are hundreds of books and ebooks, and online courses and workshops. But there are also many face-to-face opportunities, like local groups and kink conventions, where you can get information, pick up a wealth of knowledge, and build that information base to give you confidence.
Self Esteem
Being confident in yourself will give you the confidence to try new things and explore your fantasies. This can be a life-long process for many people, but you need to cultivate who you are as a kinky person and how you want to be treated as a kinkster. There can be a lot of shame attached to kinky activities you may be into, but learning to accept that as a normal part of yourself will aid your comfort in identifying as kinky.
To work on your self-esteem, you need to be able to internalize that you are worthy and a good person. In order for others to respect you, you need to respect yourself. Learn about and establish boundaries to maintain your needs and limits.
Give yourself grace
Not everyone is going to be into everything you are interested in. Allow yourself some grace to be honest about what you want and need and where your compatibility with others is. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into kink activities just because other people are into it. Identify what you are interested in and embrace those interests.
It’s okay not to know everything right now; you are new. You’ll grow in kink and in personal confidence, and soon, your shoes will fit. Knowledge, patience, and grace will get you there.
