Question:
How do we interact in front of our children (who are young adults) without them thinking I am a sap and He is a jerk? We know what we want, but how do we obtain it? Is there a trick to this lifestyle? I just feel like something is missing that we need to obtain a balance.
Answer:
There’s no real trick to it. Since you know what you want, you can plan how to implement it in public that will fly under the radar of your friends and family and everyone else you encounter.
Many people use the 1950’s housewife and the man in charge stereotype to begin building what their D/s looks like to outside members. You aren’t a sap, and he’s not a jerk. You’re a doting wife who wants to make sure your husband has everything they need to live a happy, relaxing life. Or something like that.
The secret is that people in D/s relationships go slowly. They are adding things a little at a time.
If you have titles that you use in private for each other, have vanilla appropriate ones for when you’re around others. I know of one couple that just calls each other “husband” and “wife.” They know what it means, and anyone around them thinks they’re just being adorable and loving.
The Dominant may frame orders as requests using please and thank you. You both know that it’s an order, but it looks like a respectful request from one partner to another to others.
“Wife, could you bring me a cup of coffee, please?”
“Yes, Husband, I’d be happy to!”
If you have other ideas, just make sure they are disguised around others. There is so much you can do as long as you both know the secret way you communicate and behave.
Of course, how you want to live may look different, but as long as you appear to be in a happy, healthy, respectful relationship, it won’t matter how you go about it. All relationships are different and go about these things in their own way.