Full Question: I am going through a family crisis and went to my Dom saying that I’m feeling weak and don’t think I can handle any hard limits/lessons at this time. He got very upset and said he couldn’t turn his dominance off, and he couldn’t be my Dom till I was stronger…I’m a mess…I didn’t expect this, and I am already going through some tough stuff… I didn’t want him to go away I just didn’t feel strong and thought I should be honest with him.
Answer:
I’m so sorry you’re going through so much right now.
You did the right thing, asking for a break in the dynamic while you go through some serious things at home if you felt you weren’t going to be able to give it the attention it deserves.
Your partner, however, sounds like an immature ass. Clearly, he wasn’t in it for any sort of relationship, which often has its ups and downs, but for just the jolly good time. Even if you can’t “turn the dominance off,” you’re still people, and relationships are more than just the D/s. From your question, he didn’t sound like he cared at all about what you’re going through or that you clearly needed a breather.
I know it’s hard to hear now, amid all your stress, but you dodged a bullet. This person wasn’t going to stick around when things got tough, and his immaturity in his response tells me he wasn’t ready for a power exchange relationship (or maybe any relationship) with that attitude.
I suggest you take care of yourself, work through your family crisis, and don’t be hard on yourself over this. He’s shown his true colors and you’ll be safer looking for someone who’s willing to build a healthy relationship with you and stick around for the good and hard times.
