Every day you go to work and are in charge of people, or you have a management position. Perhaps you just feel that being in control outside of the home is comfortable for you. But you come home to submit. Or maybe you are an extroverted person and love interacting socially but with the right person, your service is full and complete in submission.
No matter what scenario I describe there are always people who are dominant in personality and yet identify as submissive. I feel that I’m one such person. I’m extroverted, I love to teach and talk about what I know and understand. I prefer to be on the organizational side of events and don’t have any issue with letting people know what’s what. I’m very task oriented and goal focused. Yet I am submissive. There’s no doubt about that.
An often misunderstood or perhaps misrepresented thought is that submissives have to be docile, shy, introverted people. It’s far from the real thought. Submissives come in all shapes and sizes personality wise (as well as body wise). For people who say they can spot a submissive a mile away, this might be a challenge and I know I personally confused many “sub radar” folks who pegged me for a Dominant as soon as they met me.
Just as Dominance calls all sorts of people to it, submission for many isn’t necessarily an escape from control. For me, a lot of my submission has to do with being able to keep order. I know that KnyghtMare requires specific things of me and because I know I can provide that in a consistent manner it gives my submission a lot of order. Structure and expected manners are a lot of what drives my submission.
Now, I’m not saying that people with dominant personalities don’t want to escape from control. There are submissives who desire just that – being able to remove the mantle of leadership when they enter the submissive space; whether that be the home or the dungeon. I get emails from these people asking if they are really submissive if they are leaders in the outside world. Showing them that personality does not define identity is the best way I can prove that you choose your own life.
If submission is a part of that; your personality will conform.
Of course, having a dominant personality and desiring to submit can come with some conflict. Dominance is about being in charge and if you are in charge in your external life, trying to submit at home or the bedroom is a struggle. It’s not impossible but it does require a lot of patience and learning how you respond to orders from your partner and then changing the response to submission. There isn’t an easy way around this; but know that if submission really is what you want, it will be so rewarding when you finally surrender.
Do you have a dominant personality? Does it cause a struggle in your submissive life?