Question: Is it wrong to call a safe word in a punishment I wanted in the first place? Answer: It depends on a lot of factors. First, are we talking about Punishment for a mistake or Funishment for playtime? These two terms get confused a lot, and they can have different interpretations. Once that’s clarified, […]
Is it wrong to call a safe word in a punishment I wanted in the first place? Read More »
Question: Am I too late to join the BDSM community and find a Dom as I am in my sixties and overweight? Answer: It is never too late to embrace your sexuality or explore the things that excite you. Many people discover BDSM later in life—sometimes after retirement, sometimes after a big life change, and
Question: Is it appropriate to have an expectation from your Dom that they will tell you if they’ve been intimate with someone else? Answer: The short answer: yes. Absolutely, 100% yes. A relationship, especially a D/s one is built on trust, communication, and honesty. You should not only expect them to tell you when they
Whether you are kinky only in the bedroom or participating in D/s as a lifestyle, developing rituals for your BDSM play is an intimate and powerful way to connect. Using rituals will strengthen your roles, build dynamic scenes, and amplify your playtime to create the ideal atmosphere for BDSM activities. What are Rituals? Rituals used in
How Rituals Can Enhance Your BDSM Scenes Read More »
As a slave, I am responsible for certain activities within the house. I cook, clean, and am otherwise generally responsible for maintaining the household in ways that do not require professional repair. So, while I’m not expected to perform plumbing or electrical work, I might be required to repaint walls or maintain the garden. One
Learn to Accept Your Limitations: A Personal Lesson on Teamwork In The Dynamic Read More »
Through the previous articles in this series, you’ll have learned how to build your personal values and how to let go of your past, including your past mistakes. Learning from failure is a skill that, while difficult, can have longstanding benefits. Many submissives, myself included, get stuck on failure, wear them around our neck with
Solo-Coaching: Learning From Failure – It’s A Good Thing Read More »
Recently, my Master and I listened in on a kink Q&A. I was interested to see what questions people had about kink, especially people seeking guidance. Somewhat surprisingly, most people who tuned in seemed to have questions about relationships more than kink. Many of them were submissives curious about how to look for or embark
Looking for a Dominant Partner? Do This First! How To Perform a Self-Assessment Read More »
My Master and I had the pleasure of attending a Zoom forum recently about kink and related topics. It was a group meeting in which people of all backgrounds—kinky or not—could ask questions and offer insights about the topics that get posted. It was not quite a munch, not quite a workshop, but fun, very
Using Ritual to Maintain and Define Power Exchange Read More »
When it comes to books, as well as bondage, I’m more of a leather-bound girl, myself. So, when my Master decided to start practicing rope bondage, I used this background as my comparison. After a few months of “bonding” over rope bondage, though, I’m pretty convinced it’s a whole different animal. Perhaps there is something
The Time Between Knots: Changing Our Perspectives on Rope Bondage Read More »
While many of us will feel guilty when we need time away from our dominants, there is no question that it is productive and therapeutic. Spending time exclusively with your partner and not getting any personal time alone, especially introverts can be somewhat of a challenge. If you’re stuck in self-isolation, having coping mechanisms to
10 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Dynamic in Isolation with Your Dominant Read More »
Service-oriented people come from all walks of life and have various skills and knowledge to make them the partners that many crave. When you are a service submissive, demonstrating that you have a few key skills mastered can help strengthen the service dynamic. Anyone can learn to be a good service submissive, even if you
The Key Traits of a Service Submissive – They Can Be Learned! Read More »
Let’s face it: there is nothing sexy about flying off the handle. As submissives, we are used to a certain degree of control in our lives. But how much of that is exerted over our emotions? Do we give ourselves credit for the amount of power we have to improve ourselves by exercising moderation in
Emotional Moderation in Submission: Choose Your Emotions Wisely Read More »
Rituals have always been an essential aspect of my daily life. In and outside of submission, ritual is how I interact with my reality. Practicing ritual is how I organize my time and make sense of complex abstract ideas (like love, devotion, and purpose). Yet, ritual itself is a complex abstract idea. Many people struggle to define it, and
The Concept of Ritual in D/s Relationships Read More »
If you’ve spent more than a few minutes researching BDSM, even just scrolling through Submissive Guide, you know that negotiation is one of the cornerstones. Negotiation and consent are the primary ways BDSM is distinguished from abuse – they are essential parts of kinky play. But far too many people gloss over how important it
The Importance of Safety, Risk-Awareness and Consent in Pre-Scene BDSM Negotiation Read More »
Do you have a good idea of what your submission looks like? Just about every single BDSM book, website, or experienced kinky person has defined submission at one time or another. The dictionary definition just doesn’t cover all the nuances that living in a submissive lifestyle can include. If you’re brand new to BDSM or
The Basic Tenets of Being a Submissive in a D/s Dynamic Read More »
In “ Morning and Nighttime Briefing: Rituals for Coping with Uncertainty,” we explored implementing briefing rituals as a way of coping with uncertainty in our lives. We also discussed constructing lists for flexibly outlining our days. We approached this to help erect some semblance of a schedule when outright scheduling is not possible. While that article is a
Building Better Briefing Lists for a More Productive Day in Uncertain Times Read More »
If I asked you right now to stop and say aloud all the things you wanted, what would you list? A new home, a new car, more money, set up your own business, a relationship or a new job? Sound familiar? It’s really easy to list off wants and desires. We often make plans to
Solo-Coaching: Identifying Unmet Needs and How to Reprioritize Them In Your Life Read More »
This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. Please keep in mind that this article is now over 15 years old and some of the language may show their age. I feel it still opens a line of communication of a
Disabled? Ideas on How You Can Still Enjoy BDSM When Impaired Read More »
The “perpetual student” mindset is one that instills the truth that there is always more to learn. It teaches us that we can still make improvements upon ourselves with the information we gather and the knowledge we gain and strive to integrate. It helps us keep open minds as we expand our understanding to be
3 Reasons a “Perpetual Student” Mindset Is Vital to Kink Read More »
Being a submissive in a D/s dynamic can give you many opportunities to explore new things. In my power exchange relationship, that new opportunity was non-sexual service. Our first few experiments were clumsy and crude. Still, we’ve grown to enjoy the moments of service that I provide. It’s changed and deepened our dynamic over time.
Non-sexual Service and How To Add It To Your Dynamic Read More »
