Question:
Why is everything about BDSM/kink sexual? I read a post on FetLife once stating that a play scene could absolutely be non-sexual, but of course, they didn’t give any examples. I have never seen a non-sexual scene. If non-sexual play is possible, then why is almost everyone naked (or close to it) at play parties?
Answer:
BDSM and kink are not always sexual. You most definitely can engage in BDSM play without doing anything sexual and I think part of your confusion comes from the last part of your question about nudity which we’ll get to in a moment. Impact play, bondage, and a wide variety of other activities are not inherently sexual. But for some people they are sexual. The nuance is personal. That’s why giving examples is a challenge. What one person may find sexual, another won’t.
Nudity doesn’t automatically make something sexual. Now, there is a level of titillation at parties. People want to get naked and be seen or watch other naked people. Exhibitionism and voyeurism, I’d argue, is a huge draw to play parties. It can be fun to let it all hang loose or see other people enjoying being naked. Where else can you safely walk around completely nude with other people and NOT have it lead to sex?
I play at parties quite often, and I love being naked. I can most certainly play with my clothes on, but I personally prefer not to. I have play boundaries that include no contact with genitals. The BDSM play I engage in at parties is non-sexual because genital play is out and I don’t connect BDSM with sexual play.
For me, there are plenty of BDSM activities that are sexual in nature, but I don’t engage in them at parties.
What it boils down to, is defining with is sexual to you and finding play that remains inside those limits. If BDSM play becomes sexual to you by being naked, then don’t play naked. If, like me, it’s when genitals get involved, then don’t play with genitals.
Seek out the people that align with what you prefer. If nudity is distracting to you, find people that agree that nudity isn’t going to be involved. That’s one of the great things about the world of BDSM, you’re likely to find people who enjoy things just the way you do.