Everything from consent and boundaries to aftercare and risk assessment ensures that your journey into submission is both fulfilling and secure.
Full Question: How do I feel safe using safewords again after they have been violated/ignored by a previous partner? Answer: I’m so sorry to hear you had a bad experience with a previous play partner. First and foremost, prioritize your healing from the previous violation. Take the time you need to process what happened and […]
How do I feel safe using safewords again after they were ignored previously? Read More »
Full Question: I am a submissive female. I broke up with my boyfriend because he pushed me too far and I wasn’t in a position to slow him down. I have/had a safeword, but I wasn’t able to use it because I was umm . . . in a vulnerable position. What other ways are
Other Ways to Slow Things Down Besides a Safeword Read More »
Full Question: Is it healthy to be addicted to subspace? Answer: The term “addiction” can mean many things to many people. For our purposes, we’ll define addiction as follows: Addiction is the repeated involvement with a substance or activity, despite the substantial harm it now causes, because that involvement was (and may continue to be)
Is it healthy to be addicted to sub space? Read More »
Question: Is it wrong to call a safe word in a punishment I wanted in the first place? Answer: It depends on a lot of factors. First, are we talking about Punishment for a mistake or Funishment for playtime? These two terms get confused a lot, and they can have different interpretations. Once that’s clarified,
Is it wrong to call a safe word in a punishment I wanted in the first place? Read More »
This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. One of the most talked about features of the BDSM community is the existence and usage of the Safe Word or Safe Call or Safe Sign. For a new Dominant and new sub
Safewords Don’t Automatically Mean You’re Safe Read More »
Safety comes in many forms and at any level of risk awareness. One of the very first things you learn when you encounter BDSM is the use of safewords. Even this site has numerous articles covering the basics of safewords. But now, I feel it’s time to gather everything together and really dig deep into
What You Don’t Know About Using Safewords Could Harm You – Get The Facts Read More »
This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. Emotion ~ A physiological departure from maintenance of a relatively stable internal environment. This environment is sustained through a series of interacting physiological processes such as drives, motivations and other psychodynamic forces. Emotion
What is (Emotional) Abuse in a BDSM Relationship? Read More »
During Cyber Monday sales, I decided to treat myself to a couple of new books. I bought The Trainer and The Academy, both by Laura Antoniou, books three and four in The Marketplace series. I have been a huge fan of this series for several years now and just recently reintroduced myself to it. I own the first two
That Don’t Impress Me Much: Why You Should Not Withhold Your Safeword Read More »
In my continuous effort to read the books that have been in the bottom of my Kindle, I came across Kitty Thomas’ Tender Mercies. It wasn’t until I finished it and was writing a review that I realized what a great lesson this piece of fiction can teach those in the lifestyle, especially those that are new.
A Lesson on The Importance of Online Safety from Kitty Thomas’ “Tender Mercies” Read More »
This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. The Wall: The Wall is one identification of the limit that the mind and body are physically capable of processing. Some submissives will talk about ‘hitting the Wall’ or ‘White Out’. This is
Hitting the Wall During Play – Limit’s Edge Read More »
This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls, which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. Sometimes it seems that people want and need the security they feel by putting rules in writing. Contracts, restrictions, regulations. Each of these is a way of limiting the free expression of ourselves
Beyond Limits: The Illusion of Safety Read More »
This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. Consent: Compliance with or in approval of what is done or proposed by another. We talk about consent a lot. There is a very good reason for that. The line between D/s and
Some Issues with Consensuality Read More »
One of the biggest challenges we face in the kinky community is the acceptance of kinks that do not align with our own. A group of individuals can bond over a shared desire to bend over someone over their knees and give him a good spanking. But introduce an individual who enjoys hanging others by
Why SSC and RACK Are Both Important Safety Acronyms to Know Read More »
When we talk about safety we can’t avoid talking about safewords. Do you have a safeword? Do you feel safe having it? Need to go back and learn about safewords first? You can do so here. We’ve developed a false sense of security around the “magic” of safewords. But let me tell you this: it will
Safewords Are Not “Safe Words” Read More »
Okay, so here I go again stepping into what may be a heated topic for many people, but I’m going to say it anyway. Kink and alcohol (or drug use) don’t mix. Now, let me clarify what I mean. If you drink or smoke pot or do something else, more power to you. Me? I
Alcohol and Kink Don’t Mix – Being Under the Influence Negates Consent Read More »
Dear lunaKM, In a nutshell, my question is, how do I know if my masochistic tendencies come from a safe place? My Dom and I have both struggled with mental illness, and as such he has never felt comfortable with anything rougher than biting or hair pulling. However, we have never really talked about it.
Overcoming the Fear of Being Triggered to Open a Dialogue Read More »
Hi lunaKM, I was wondering if you had any ideas, tips, exercises for knee strengthening? I am a BBW, and being on my knees for a long period of time, cuts off my circulation and can be very painful. This is also true when I am on all fours. I tried pillows, and that helps
When A Submissive Suffers Knee Pain: Kneeling and Helpful Suggestions Read More »
You have a safeword for your BDSM kinky fun. Right? I know there’s a debate in the world of BDSM and D/s between the safeword crew and those who don’t want one. I land firmly on the side of having a safeword – always. It’s rarely used but it’s always there. We could debate the merits of having
What Happens After You Use Your Safeword? Read More »
Recently I was in a discussion about safewords, but it wasn’t the usual definitions and whether they are truly useful so I thought I’d work though my thoughts on it here and share it with you. The question that was presented was whether safewords should be allowed during punishment and if they weren’t was that considered abuse. A lot of good
Safewords During Disciplinary Punishment: Yay or Nay? Read More »
There are things we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. -Author Unknown Very dear to my heart is a less-than-sexy but necessary dialogue that revolves around maintaining a healthy Power Exchange dynamic.
The Checks and Balances in Power Exchange Read More »
