Everything from consent and boundaries to aftercare and risk assessment ensures that your journey into submission is both fulfilling and secure.
Can you be a feminist and still choose submission? This personal perspective explores how BDSM and feminism can coexist through consent, agency, communication, and the freedom to choose your relationship roles. It also considers how SSC principles can help distinguish consensual power exchange from coercion, control, and abuse.
How BDSM, SSC, and Feminism Work Together Read More »
Safe, Sane, and Consensual, or SSC, is one of BDSM’s best-known safety frameworks. This beginner guide explains what each part means, including risk awareness, negotiation, sobriety, consent, and safer play, while encouraging readers to think critically about what safety looks like in their own experiences and relationships.
BDSM Basics: Staying Safe with SSC Read More »
If there’s one topic that comes up time and again on this blog, in readers’ emails to me and online forums is how do you care for bruises and other physical and emotional reminders of play? Since 2009 when I started writing this site I’ve returned to this topic time and again with interesting and
How to Care for Bruises and More BDSM Play Recovery Tips Read More »
Disclaimer: Though this post deals with depression and suicide, please note that blyss is not a mental health professional, this article isn’t written to diagnose or outline professional treatment for any mental illness. A short list of suggested reading and resources will be provided at the end of the post. If you are having thoughts
Below the Mood of Blue: One Girl’s Experience With Depression Read More »
When learning about personal safety and BDSM you likely hear the word safeword more than once. A safeword is used as a last resort when you need the play you are engaged in to end. But there’s an unintentional negative stigma surrounding using your safeword that needs to be understood. You are not a failure if
Using Your Safeword Is Not a Sign of Failure Read More »
The Birth of Safe, Sane and Consensual Historically, David Stein is the person who first coined the phrase in 1983 for the Gay Male SM Activists Group that he co-founded. It was then used as the slogan in the SM Rights contingent of the Gay Rights march to the capital in 1987. That’s right, the
Consent is Key: SSC and RACK Read More »
A few months ago, a heated topic was being discussed in a lifestyle group that I’m a member of on Facebook. The reason the topic became so heated was that, well, of me. I wasn’t really surprised by this because well, I do have a tendency to create controversy. It was so bad this time,
The Controversy of Safe Words during Punishment Read More »
This is a guest post by Miss Jessica. Everyone’s safety is extremely important of course, but in the BDSM community it is the people who give themselves up the most that have a greater chance of being hurt; submissives, slaves, and all others who fit into categories that fall under the umbrella term ‘bottom’. The degree
More Red Flags for Everyone – Personal Safety and Warnings Read More »
This is a guest article by greeneyedDeviant. As an experienced bottom, I’m often asked about scene safety. But, let’s face it, the excitement leading up to the scene can cause you to forget to prepare appropriately. Here are a few suggestions I’ve found useful for safely preparing to play in a scene. Your Health Things like
Be Prepared: Put Your Health and Safety First For Successful BDSM Scenes Read More »
I’ve spoken to you about Safe, Sane and Consensual and about how it is the first safety mantra that people adopt as they learn about BDSM and kink relationships. Most BDSM munch groups around the world use SSC to define the play that is acceptable and how they prefer to present themselves to the vanilla
RACK: The Risk Acceptable Safety Mantra Read More »
The adventures in the bedroom or dungeon are a lot of fun and you can get lost in the intense responses and pleasure during these moments. It is not without its own challenge of safety and communication. When the intensity of activities go up it’s not uncommon for tops and bottoms alike to lose the
Understanding Vocal and Nonvocal Safe Words for Safe Play Read More »
When a novice submissive first learn about BDSM or D/s power exchange it can be a scary place. The first thing I like to help these novices learn is about safety mantras, particularly the widely accepted Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC. What is SSC? It’s a credo that people in the BDSM community use
Personal Safety Mantra: Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) Read More »
Your scene has just ended and you both feel spent, exhausted and buzzing with good feelings. And then you look around the room, move your aching limbs and start to come out of your or play-induced fog. The room is a mess, there are toys everywhere. Both of you need aftercare. Who does what? How
After the Scene is Over – Clean-up, Aftercare, and Check-Ins Read More »
Consent and Negotiation are probably something that we think about but don’t really acknowledge daily. It is important none the less to think about and address in a Dominant/submissive relationship. Why? There are many reasons but the most important one is being safe not only with your partner but more importantly with yourself. Consent is
The Importance of Consent in D/s Negotiation Read More »
I was talking with a Dominant the other day about safe calls and how I feel that they are vital for a novice submissive when meeting someone new, especially when they are so inexperienced in the lifestyle as most tend to be. What he said in response, floored me. I’m paraphrasing here, “I don’t like
A Safe Call Could Save Your Life: How to Set It Up Read More »
In a play party last night I witnessed a poor novice woman with intense marks on her abdomen and kidney area. The oblivious novice Top that did this to her was stopped by a Dungeon Monitor but the woman said when asked, that the marks were no big deal and that she’s had kidney punches
Submitting Is Not Without Personal Responsibility Read More »
This is a guest post by SherynB. Please take the time to read the whole thing. It’s an important issue that needs to be addressed. Okay, there’s a 600lb gorilla in the room, and I’m done pretending it’s not there. What we do isn’t pretty or politically correct, and frankly, it’s dangerous if we can’t get (and
For Consent to Count…ASSENT Has to Matter Read More »
When Master and I play, it’s very likely that there will be marks, at least temporarily. Caring for them is part of the aftercare we have set up for me. We are pretty minimal when it comes to first aid for them because I like to keep them as long as possible. I’m the sort
First Aid for Bruises, Abrasions and Other After Play Marks Read More »
We never want our scene time to end. It’s fun and pleasant and lovely. When we play we have a chance that the blissful time we are experiencing will end well or may end suddenly from something unexpected. Yes, we do everything we can to avoid having to stop play but when sudden illness takes
Fainting, Headaches and Nausea: Facing Sudden Illness During Play/Scene Time Read More »
I’ve talked about safewords here before. I believe they are very important for new relationships and when new activities are being introduced. A stop word is a break in the play; one that typically halts play completely, but can also be one where slowing down is the direction. Yes there are people who don’t use safewords and
Use Your Safeword Without Guilt – You Are NOT a Bad Sub For Needing It Read More »
