From understanding basic kink concepts to exploring various fetishes, this category is your starting point for building a solid foundation in the world of BDSM.
Full Question: Hello, I am relatively new to the lifestyle at 50 and have been in contact with my Dominant for about 1 year, mainly through messaging and calls. We have met in real life once before. We have arranged to meet for a play in a few weeks. My Dom has suggested a time […]
Is a 4 to 5-hour first play session ideal? Read More »
Full Question: How do I know if I’m a Switch or just a brat? Because I know I enjoy being dominated, but the other part is what confused me. I’m confused if what I thought of as ‘enjoy to dominate’ is just me being a brat. There are times that I do like having control,
How do I know if I’m a Switch or just a brat? Read More »
Full Question: I’m very new to The Lifestyle and have absolutely no idea where to start. I’ve done tons and tons of research but don’t know how to go from passively researching to actively participating. Do you have any advice on where to start? Answer: Starting to explore BDSM actively is never easy and can
Full Question: I’ve heard many articles or podcasts discuss munches, but I have a hard time finding any near me or articles/discussions on where to find your people or meetups. I’m coming up short! Any advice on how to find a community of like-minded people to connect with? Answer: There used to be many places
Where do you find the local BDSM community? Read More »
Full Question: How do you get into subspace? Answer: Great question! Everyone will have different success rates for reaching subspace, and some people never get there. But let’s not dwell on that because subspace isn’t the only goal for playtime, right? Subspace is a mental and physical response to the high levels of endorphins produced
How do you get into subspace? Read More »
Full Question: How to be more confident in BDSM when new? Answer: It can be hard to be confident in BDSM, no matter how much experience you have. But when you are new, I feel that confidence comes from a few places, and the good news is that you can work on all of them!
How to be more confident in BDSM when new? Read More »
Full Question: How does a brat differ from any other submissives? Answer: Brats get a bad rap among other BDSM participants, and it’s likely because they always look like they want to annoy people. But that’s not really the whole of it. A brat is a bottom or submissive who enjoys misbehaving for attention and
How does a brat differ from any other submissive? Read More »
Full Question: Do you believe a submissive also has to be a slave? Answer: At Submissive Guide, we focus on submission. We use specific definitions to describe the words “submissive,” and “slave.” They are: submissive – A person who agrees to submit or give up control in a relationship, scene, or activity. slave – A
Does a submissive also have to be a slave? Read More »
Full Question: Do you think that pre-play negotiation is important when you’ve been together for months? Answer: Yes and no. We’ve discussed pre-scene negotiation here before, but a brief refresher is always nice. Pre-scene negotiation is the conversation between play partners to discuss what you agree to do during play, what safety and safewords you
Is pre-play negotiation important in long-term relationships? Read More »
Full Question: I want to be involved in the kink community near me, but I fear for my teaching profession. Any advice? Answer: That’s a very valid concern, and being cautious is the name of the game. If you attend local events within your school district or even the city, there is always a possibility
Want to be involved in the kink community, but it could jeopardize my career, help? Read More »
Full Question: Do subs always have to be bottoms? Answer: No. It’s a topic based on definitions and identity. A bottom is a receiver in BDSM play. A submissive is the follower half of a D/s relationship. Even the definitions are not synonyms. And they shouldn’t be! It is very common that people who are
Do subs always have to be bottoms? Read More »
Full Question: Can you talk about chemical play, please? Answer: Chemical play is a form of sensation play involving irritants to create sensations during or after play. These substances usually come in the form of liquids, gels, oils, or creams. When they put them on sensitive parts like private areas, nipples, or the butt, it
What is Chemical Play? Read More »
Full Question: When do you start discussing safe words? Answer: The short answer is you start discussing safe words when you begin negotiating playing with someone. I’d even consider having one for sex. It’s just a good idea all around to have a way to tell your partner you need to stop when saying “stop”
When do you start discussing safe words? Read More »
Full Question: What does the bottom/sub need to learn about bondage? Answer: I will expand on this question and give you a few tips on what a bottom needs to know about any form of BDSM play, including bondage. It’s often hinted that the submissive doesn’t need to learn how to throw a flogger or
What does a bottom need to know about BDSM play? Read More »
Full Question: Recommendations for journal prompts? I LOVE the advent calendar! Answer: I’m thrilled that you enjoy the Submissive Advent Calendar! For those that don’t know what we’re talking about, I created an Advent calendar with submissive-focused tasks to do during the holiday season, and you can pick up your copy on Amazon or our
Recommendations for Journal Prompts? Read More »
Full Question: What is the best way to train oneself to deepthroat? How to get rid of the gag reflex? Answer: Great question! The main reason for the gag reflex is to prevent you from choking, so it’s not advisable to stop it completely. That said, there are various ways to desensitize your gag reflex
How can I train myself to deepthroat? Read More »
Full Question: What are some sexy ways to ask if the other person is okay? Answer: Since this question can go in many directions, I’m interpreting this question to be looking for ways to confirm continued consent during sex or play. Consent is sexy. Wanting to ensure your partner is still okay with what is
What are some sexy ways to ask if the other person is okay? Read More »
Full Question: I’m trying to find my first munch meeting in NY area. How can I know if it’s safe, and where can I find one? Answer: Getting out and meeting kinky people face-to-face can be so intimidating. I understand the desire to make sure that you are walking into the safest environment possible. First,
How do you know if a munch is safe? Read More »
Full Question: If you’re relatively new to all of this and are building a dynamic with a new dom, what is your thought on randomly and only occasionally calling the safe word for the purpose of building the trust that they will, in fact, stop? Answer: It’s not uncommon for submissives to want to test
Using Your Safeword to Test Their Trust? Read More »
Full Question: Do most Doms like to see their handiwork afterward? I have a new Dom and would like to text pics and thank him for my bruises. I don’t quite have a read on him, so I was looking for opinions. Answer: The short answer is “maybe.” First, I want to clarify to those
Do Doms Like to See The Resulting Bruises from Playtime? Read More »
