Here are tips and strategies for clear, honest, and respectful communication, helping you navigate the highs and challenges of effective dialogue in your D/s relationships.
Have you ever felt like if you made a suggestion or requested a change in the relationship to your Dominant was horribly inappropriate, that it was overstepping your boundaries as a submissive? What about asking for something you’d like to do, like have sex or play, or even just go out to dinner? Do you […]
Learn to Speak Up and Speak Out: Empowering Yourself to Have a Voice Read More »
I think about that word all the time. Need. “I need this, too,” Jack told me. And everything changed. By taking care of me, he was taking care of himself. I don’t think I’d ever tried to envision the situation from a Dom’s point of view before. I was so fucking grateful whenever I found
Talking to Your Dominant: When A Desire Becomes a Need Read More »
With franchises like Fifty Shades of Grey having integrated themselves almost completely in the mainstream, I have had the combined frustration and horror of my role as a submissive and my role as a teacher nearly clashing more than once. While I would NEVER share any part of my home activities with any of my
Keep Your Voice: Your Rights as a Submissive Read More »
In every single article I write, I stress the importance of communication, so you would think that I practice as I preach and work really hard to include communication in my relationship. And truth is, I do try, but I have realized that open and honest communication with a partner can only happen when I
Opening Communication with Myself Read More »
There’s a really bad idea out there that Dominants decide everything and submissives simply accept it. Once you enter into your relationship, after initial negotiations, you’re expected to submit, serve, and wait for whatever your Dominant decides to do to you or for you. You do what you’re told and keep your mouth shut. Wrong! New (or
How to Ask for What You Need as a Submissive Read More »
Would really appreciate it if I could get some advice or your opinion on this ? I’ve always found that submission and being dominated really turns me on. That’s about the only thing I find sexually stimulating but my boyfriend doesn’t really know the extent of what I really like in the bedroom. I’m extremely
Are There Subtle Ways I Can Cue My Partner Into My Kinky Interests? Read More »
Almost every submissive or slave I speak with questions their “voice.” How much to say to their Dominant? When to say it? Can they say anything? What if s/he thinks I’m rude? Would it be better to not say anything? What is appropriate? Can I still have a voice? Speaking up vs. speaking out VERSUS Shutting up
Finding Your Submissive Voice: Speak Up for Better, Honest Communication Read More »
BDSM is all about mutual respect between dominant and submissive, master and slave. If there is a lack of respect in either direction things are likely to deteriorate quickly. Part of respect is understanding that your partner is entitled to their own needs, wants, and opinions and that these are aspects of your partner that
For those of you who are avid Red Phoneix fans, she’s at it again. She’s currently working on the third installment of the Brie series, Submissive in Love. While I was reading the second novella, Brie’s Denver Desires, a passage at the end of the book grabbed my attention and wouldn’t let go. “Sir, you’re
Reciprocity: Expectations of Transparency of the Dominant Read More »
Hello lunaKM, I have a Dom friend that has been helping explore and figure out this wonderful world of BDSM. I have been seeing him for a few months and we are moving into more of a relationship and not just scenes. My question is how do I ask him for the discipline/attention when I
How To Ask for a Dominant’s Attention Read More »
Communication is key – I say it in every article, but it becomes no less true. Communication is imperative to any relationship, especially one in which your physical and mental health are at risk. This week I have had trouble. Master is very interested in entering into a poly-dynamic. While this initially sounded very attractive
Talking Even When Words Are Hard: Opening the Lines of Communication With Your Dominant Read More »
Dear lunaKM, As a slave in training, I start doubting my worth when I don’t get a response within an hour. –impatient Dear impatient, From your brief question, I am going to assume that the response you are waiting for is through text, so this could be a long distance or online only relationship. I
What Do I Do While I Wait for a Response from My Long Distance Dominant? Read More »
Dear lunaKM, I am new to being in a D/s relationship, and I am having difficulty with learning how to speak to Him more properly. I have no problem when emailing, or messaging, but that is because I have time to think about what I am saying to Him. He is wonderful at correcting me,
How Can I Learn to Speak More Respectfully? Read More »
As a submissive, I understand how hard it is to face your Dominant and ask them to play or have sex or what have you. When I was new I thought that asking for these things was a boundary you just didn’t cross. My belief that the Dominant was supposed to do things to you
How to Ask for More BDSM Playtime Read More »
This is a guest post by  Xiao Yingtai. Doms keep telling us that they’re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it’s hard! Especially when it’s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to say it. And you never have to compromise the message. Here is
Communicating While Submissive Read More »
I know what you are thinking when reading the title. How can a submissive get mad at their Dominant? Isn’t a relationship built on trust and communication going to run smoother than one that isn’t? That’s not a very good submissive behavior! No, probably not, but it is a human one and we are humans
How to Keep a Cool Head When You Get Angry With Your Dominant Read More »
Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada is a weekend for celebrating the good we have in our lives and sharing it with those who are close to us. There is so much to be thankful for and this year, as I look back, I see the amazing abundance that comes to us in various ways, but
Submission in Gratitude Read More »
Dear lunaKM, I have been in my first D/s relationship (online) for about a month. What is your view concerning the care, direction, and contact of Dominants w/their subs? I know we are all different, but I have nothing to compare. Contact is spotty and I feel a bit lost. Some days I get a
What Is The Expectation of Communication in an Online D/s Relationship? Read More »
I recently had a conversation with my boss that went something like this: Boss: “We’d like you to start doing some of your colleague’s work because you’re caught up and she’s behind.” Me: “I would be happy to help, but I see that none of these things are in my job description.” Boss: “They aren’t,
You’re Not the Boss of Me! Empowerment Through Submission Read More »
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. People in the D/s and BDSM lifestyles love to say this word. We emphasize that it’s the cornerstone of the relationship, that it is the key to a successful relationship and that negotiation, a form of communication, needs to be done on a regular basis depending on the situation and relationship type.
What Do You Mean When You Say Communicate? I am Communicating! Read More »
