This is a post by bonimiss for the Day in the Life Series.
I saw luna’s request for a day in the life and was immediately interested but then I hesitated. I fear I suffer from “Not Doing It Right” syndrome but then I thought if I am doing it the way Sir specifies, I AM doing it right. Sir and I are in a long distance relationship and I am owned and collared by Him. We see each other about once a month but most our time is not spent together. I will focus on a waiting day as I tend to think of it.
A typical day begins with my writing a long email to Sir. It typically starts out with “I don’t have much to say …” and then I proceed to fill pages and pages with my thoughts about everything and anything. I am sure I am repetitive and my day is very mundane but He is much too polite to tell me. I write because I want to, not because I have to. In the years we have been together, I haven’t missed writing many days. I should have started a blog when we started but I was shy with my thoughts and I think I still am. But I will go ahead and write this.
I must text good morning to Sir and send Him kisses. Although He doesn’t have to respond He does and at that point my day begins. It is a simple thing to do and I must do it but simple things have such power. It is an affirmation that He owns me and that I am thinking of Him. It reconnects Us at the start of our busy day. I am lost if He doesn’t respond back but that is His prerogative.
And the connection reaffirms the power exchange. I enjoy saying good morning but I do have my moments of rebellion. There was such a day where I waited until 1 minute before the deadline to text. My head was filled with defiance and I said to myself, “He won’t notice. Nothing will come of it!” I remember feeling all-powerful and ruler of the universe. I felt a heady excitement waiting to see if He noticed and I just didn’t care about the consequences. As sure as I breathe, this was something I just had to do. Well you know the rest of the story, He did notice and yes I was punished and I felt so horrible. But the essence of that power has remained and that is the power that is instilled in that good morning text each day. It is a reminder of the power I offer to Him and that He accepts.
I do not have tasks to perform but rather rules that must be obeyed. I wear His collar when I can. My phone is my leash and I must be always available to Him via my phone. Yes I sleep with it and make sure it is charged. I must ask permission to cum and I find the answer doesn’t always matter. The answer affirms the subtle connection between Us although my body says otherwise. I cannot wear underwear without permission which I find extremely difficult mentally to obey but I do. There are other rules that I must obey but the rules are not that important, just the fact they exist does. The rules are stepping-stones where the connection is made between Us. We are both busy and at times, it is easy to forget and feel the affection and connection between Us. Then I run into a rule and it makes the day proceed calmly. And of course, I always admit my failure to follow a rule properly but I avoid that failure as much as possible.
There are other things I do that pertain to when we meet but I feel they are more protocols than rules. I count the days until we meet and prepare in a certain way that is both physical and mental. And when we meet, there are certain expectations that He counts on.
The day ends with a telephone call if possible. It takes maneuvering on both our parts but we accomplish it most days. The sound of His voice is the most wonderful thing in the world. Then later on, I must text good night with kisses. Realistically we are both so busy, it is difficult to carve out moments to connect and text or talk yet somehow those moments become as precious as a good book (I would say diamonds but I love books much more).
But my day is really about waiting and at times it is extremely difficult mentally and emotionally. Thoughts of frustration and rebellion must be controlled through physical activity and positive thinking. But there are other challenges in waiting; sometimes my thoughts turn to doubt, distrust, and other negative thoughts and I wonder about the reality of our relationship. I wonder about the future and what that holds for Us. But there are also moments of pure waiting where I have no doubts and I am filled with trust in Us and a sense of purpose. It is a “quiet waiting” as I focus on the knowledge that in this instant of time, we exist and it is good and I enjoy the moment and whatever it is I am doing. I strive to increase these moments of quiet waiting in my life every day since I love that feeling. It is the warmth of love, the balance of power, the belief in Us, a joy in living and most of all, the erotic nature of submission. I can dispense with all the negative thoughts, solutions, what-ifs, and scenarios that run through my head since He has said to wait. I surrender and luxuriate in knowingness. Words can never capture that joy in surrendering to His command to wait. The importance lies in the command and its purpose, it is something to be obeyed and in that lies the erotic nature of waiting and submission. I find that waiting only becomes difficult when I doubt or judge myself and then I remember that He enjoys me for who I am and what He sees. And so I wait until I hear the words, “Can you meet?”
This is my typical day in my submissive life ... filled with responsibilities and obligations yet tethered to Sir. His rules keep me centered but I know that the rules are the external trappings to our relationship. It is what lies beneath the rules that is important and what I really struggle with, namely: waiting. It is difficult to wait and obey and be this person that I know He sees and that I know I can be. We have never spoken of this rule, to be the person He sees, but it is there and I strive to follow this rule. This is what fills me with purpose each day and typically happiness. But I know those days I find it difficult to follow His rules and to quietly wait, I know on those days I am really fighting with myself and my submission. The reality is what we have and the positive impact we have on each other and the waiting is more than worth it when I walk through the door and see His smile. And most of all, I am a better person for knowing Him.
bonimiss only found her kinky side in her early 50s and thankfully found Sir shortly after. She is in a long distance journey with Sir and is constantly amazed at the new and exciting experiences and discoveries. You can contact her at bonimiss through the Submissive Guide Community.