Sub drop is a common experience in BDSM, often referred to by submissives as an unpleasant “crash” that can occur after an intense play session. While it may feel overwhelming, sub drop is a normal physical and emotional response to the natural ebb and flow of hormones that are elevated during play. The aftermath, however, can leave you feeling physically and emotionally depleted. It can cause a range of symptoms, from fatigue, aches, and chills to feelings of sadness, anxiety, or even guilt. Understanding and preparing for sub drop can transform this difficult phase into a manageable part of the BDSM experience.
In this article, we’ll explore what sub drop is, why it happens, and—most importantly—how to manage it. Every submissive’s experience of sub drop is unique, and learning to recognize your symptoms and needs is essential. It’s important to note that you may not experience sub drop at all or that you may not have sub drop every time you play. Whether you experience mild physical discomfort or intense emotional lows, having the right tools and strategies can help you recover quickly and smoothly.
We’ll cover several aspects of sub drop, including:
- The symptoms—both physical and emotional—that may occur.
- Preventive measures to reduce the intensity of sub drop, including physical and emotional preparation before play.
- Aftercare strategies to help you cope immediately after a scene and tips for ongoing self-care.
- The importance of a “drop kit” and how to create one tailored to your needs.
- Long-term strategies for maintaining emotional and physical balance, even in the days following a play session.
By understanding sub drop as a normal, manageable part of BDSM, you can empower yourself to prepare for it, manage your symptoms effectively, and continue to enjoy all of your play experiences. Let’s dive into the secrets of sub drop recovery and how to make it a smoother transition.
What is Sub Drop? Let’s Take a Closer Look
Understanding sub drop is the first step in managing it effectively. Sub drop is the emotional and physical “crash” you may experience after an intense BDSM scene or play session. During play, your body floods with endorphins, adrenaline, and other feel-good chemicals, creating a high known as subspace. When those chemicals start to wear off, your body can go into a withdrawal-like state, leaving you feeling drained, sad, anxious, or even physically uncomfortable. Sub drop is a normal response to the hormonal shift, but it can catch you off guard if you’re unprepared.
It’s also true that Dominants can experience a high and drop, and while it often manifests a bit differently for them, all of the tips in this article can help any role with the potential drop after a great play session.
As I mentioned, your body releases a hormone cocktail during play to help you process the physical and emotional demands you are undergoing, such as adrenaline, endorphins, and cortisol, to handle pain, fear or excitement, and stress. You may have oxytocin, also known as the love or cuddle hormone, if you’re feeling particularly “lovey” and sappy during play. Several common causes of sub drop stem from this mix of hormones and the intense physical and emotional changes that occur during and after play.
Hormonal Fluctuations – During play, your body floods with adrenaline, endorphins, and other hormones. Once you end play, all those feel-good chemicals drop rapidly, leading to feelings of exhaustion, sadness, or emotional vulnerability.
Emotional Intensity – BDSM play often has intense emotional dynamics with feelings of vulnerability, trust, and in-depth role play. After these highs, your mind can “come down hard,” resulting in feelings of loneliness, sadness, or confusion.
Physical Strain – You put your body through a lot during play, from strict bondage to pain play and other physical exertion. After the adrenaline fades, you may feel muscle soreness, fatigue, and general physical discomfort, contributing to the overall drop in mood and energy.
Psychological Factors – Your mental and emotional state before the scene can also influence sub drop. If you’re already stressed, anxious, or feeling down before play, you may be more susceptible to a more intense drop afterward.
Lack of Sufficient Aftercare – Aftercare is essential for helping you transition back to a normal state after play. If insufficient aftercare is provided, or if you’re playing casually with someone who doesn’t offer aftercare, the emotional and physical aftereffects can be more severe.
Separation from Dominant or Partner – If you can’t spend time with your Dominant or play partner after a scene, it may intensify feelings of isolation or emotional withdrawal, particularly in long-term dynamics where the emotional bond is stronger.
Recognizing the Symptoms of Sub Drop
Sub drop affects everyone differently, but there are some common symptoms that you may experience in the hours and days following an intense scene. Take a moment to make note of any of the following symptoms you’ve experienced after play.
Physical Symptoms
- Fatigue
- Remember—pain can make you exhausted, and if you experience pain during play or recovery, it can make you tired.
- Crying
- Aches and pains
- Stomachaches
- Cold hands or feet
- Muscle stiffness
- Cravings for sweets
- Craving chocolate isn’t a myth, especially for people with more estrogen. Cocoa boosts estrogen levels, which help you manage stressful situations.
- Chills
- Headaches
- Nausea
- General malaise
Emotional Symptoms
- Sadness or melancholy
- Sense of loss or grief
- Overly sensitive to minor inconveniences
- Anxiety
- Agitation
- Depressed mood
- Loneliness
- Insecurity
- Difficulty concentrating
- Fear
- Confusion
- Guilt
- Shame
Preventing Severe Sub Drop
While sub drop is a normal part of playtime recovery, there are things you can do to help you prevent some or all of the symptoms before you play. By preparing yourself mentally and physically, you can reduce the chance that sub drop will rear its ugly head.
First, make sure you’ve had a decent meal before play. Eating a light, high-protein, low-carbohydrate meal an hour or so before the scene can help alleviate many symptoms. Lots of vegetables will also add nutrients to help you recover from a strenuous scene. Drink plenty of water before and after the scene to stay well-hydrated, which will help your body heal from playtime. This approach helps prevent energy crashes that contribute to sub drops.
Then, stretch before play. Stretching and warming up your muscles before play can help your body better handle any physical demands, whether from impact play, restraint, or other forms of intensity. Warming up increases blood flow and reduces the risk of soreness and potential for injury, making your recovery smoother. If you’re feeling fit and ready, do a light bit of cardio, like running in place for 5 minutes, and then stretch. Yoga can also be a great way to calm your mind and loosen your body.
Also, check your mood. Are you feeling stressed, anxious, or unusually emotional? If so, this might not be the best time to play, as these feelings can heighten the emotional aspect of sub-drop afterward. It’s okay to postpone or adjust a play session if you’re not feeling emotionally prepared. Not everyone can ‘let go’ and focus on the scene, so don’t force yourself. If you do decide to play, take note of your current feelings so that you can communicate them and be mindful of how they may affect you later. Spending a few minutes journaling before play is beneficial to empty your mind of worries and thoughts that could interfere with play.
What else can you do? Being aware that sub drop is a possibility can make a big difference. Go into the scene with the understanding that your mood and energy may drop afterward, and think through what you might need to feel better if it happens. Have water on hand, fast sugars like orange juice or candy, and a blanket, or set up a comfortable aftercare space in advance.
Immediate Aftercare: The Key to Managing Sub Drop
The period immediately after a play scene is crucial for managing sub drop symptoms and ensuring a smooth transition back to everyday life. Immediate aftercare provides a necessary cushion, helping you address both physical and emotional needs while reducing the likelihood of severe post-play symptoms that can become more intense and harder to manage.
Start by drinking some water or Gatorade. The biggest cause of non-hormonal sub drop symptoms is dehydration, which exacerbates fatigue, headache, and muscle soreness. Along with hydration, a light snack or meal high in protein and carbohydrates can stabilize blood sugar levels and offer a source of quick energy, so toss a protein bar in your toy bag. Simple, nourishing foods like yogurt and nuts restore balance and energy for post-play recovery.
Physical rest is equally important. After the demands of an intense scene, your body and mind benefit from time to unwind. Take a nap, or at least rest and relax for a while, which provides an opportunity to recover from the adrenaline rush.
Emotional support also plays a significant role in aftercare, especially for those experiencing the vulnerability that often accompanies sub drop. Physical closeness, like cuddling or snuggling, can be a comforting way to reconnect and reinforce a sense of security. Being near your partner or Dominant after a scene makes you feel emotionally supported and understood in the sensitive moments post-play. If you’re alone, surrounding yourself with familiar comfort items—a warm blanket, a favorite pillow, or even a stuffed animal—can provide a similar feeling of security, grounding you as your mind processes the experience.
If aftercare with your Dominant is part of your routine, this connection can be significant. Even if it’s as simple as being in the same space, having your Dominant’s presence close by can help alleviate feelings of isolation and vulnerability. If you know you need to feel cared for in specific ways—such as soft words, reassuring gestures, showering together, or just quiet company—communicating these preferences beforehand allows you and your partner to ensure those needs are met.
Creating a Drop Kit: Your Personalized Post-Play Essentials
It’s also essential to acknowledge that while aftercare is a shared responsibility, much of it comes down to self-care. While some Dominants may provide aftercare, it’s not always guaranteed, and everyone’s aftercare needs are different. Negotiating aftercare in advance can help ensure you get the support you need, but knowing what helps you feel better and actively tending to those needs can make a big difference in recovery. Embracing this self-care approach lets you take control of your well-being and enhances your overall experience.
Developing a set of self-soothing techniques can be especially helpful. Gentle breathing exercises, stretching, or a few moments of meditation can calm your mind and relax your body. Other comforting activities, like listening to soft music, journaling, or engaging in creative tasks, help you process any lingering emotions safely and constructively.
By preparing in advance—perhaps with a “drop kit” stocked with comforting essentials—you create a reliable foundation for handling sub drop on your own terms. Taking responsibility for your aftercare needs, whether you have support from a partner or not, is an act of self-respect and self-care that strengthens your resilience.
What to Put in Your Drop Kit
Your “drop kit” does not have to be large. If you already have these things available in the spaces, you’ll be in after play, and you don’t need to gather them into a central location. For some people, having them in a specific bag or box gives them a sense of comfort and preparedness.
Hydration: Water bottle, electrolyte drinks (e.g., Gatorade, coconut water, Mio water enhancer)
Snacks: High-protein or comfort snacks like protein bars, nuts, chocolate, or fruit
Comfort Items: Soft blanket, cozy socks, a piece of clothing your partner has worn, or a favorite stuffed animal
Pain Relief: Over-the-counter medications (e.g., ibuprofen, acetaminophen) for aches and soreness
First Aid: Bandages, Antibiotic ointment, ice packs and heat pads
Body Care: Moisturizing lotion, soothing balm, bath salts, bubble bath, or essential oils (lavender or chamomile for relaxation)
Warming Items: Heating pad, hand warmers, or hot water bottle for comfort
Entertainment & Distraction: Book, puzzle book, or coloring supplies to relax the mind
Emotional Support: Journal and pen for processing thoughts, comforting notes from friends or partner
Comfortable Clothing: Soft, loose clothing for relaxation
Relaxing Scents: Candles, incense, or a portable essential oil roller to create a calming environment
Portable Entertainment: Downloaded playlist or favorite movie on a phone or tablet
Emergency Contact: A list of friends or community members for emotional support when needed
Self-Care Reminders: Notes or affirmations to remind you to hydrate, eat, and rest
Dropping doesn’t signify weakness nor reflect poorly on your resilience or enjoyment of play. Everyone has experienced it at some point in their journey. It’s simply a natural response to the physical and emotional highs you’ve experienced. Sub drop can feel unexpected or even a bit daunting for those new to the lifestyle. For more experienced submissives, a surprising drop after years without it can feel confusing or disappointing. However, even if it catches you off guard, remember that sub drop doesn’t diminish the strength or skill you bring to your role—it’s just part of the process.
When you feel the symptoms of sub drop, show yourself compassion and prioritize taking care of your needs. This is your body’s way of asking for rest and restoration after intense play. Just like an athlete needs recovery time after a competition, you deserve time to recharge. Dropping isn’t something to feel ashamed of; it’s a reminder that you’re deeply engaging with your experiences and that the intensity you felt was real and meaningful. By embracing the need for self-care after a drop, you’re honoring yourself and building resilience so that next time, you’re even more prepared to navigate the highs and lows.
Conclusion
Sub drop is normal and temporary. Navigating sub drop is an integral part of engaging in BDSM play, and knowing how to manage it empowers you to enjoy play with confidence and security. Preparing for sub drop through thorough negotiation with your partner, aftercare, or a personal drop kit will provide you with the tools to comfort, heal, and return to normalcy after play.
Above all, allow yourself the grace to experience the full range of emotions that come with sub drop and recovery. By tuning into your needs and practicing compassionate self-care, you invest in your well-being and strengthen your bond with the experiences and partners who bring you joy. Over time, managing sub drop with care and intention becomes a powerful way to honor yourself and your submissive journey.Share your thoughts and experiences with sub drop in the Submissive Guide FetLife Group. Join the community now!
Updated 1/8/2025, originally published 6/10/2013