Nervous about your first BDSM scene? This beginner-friendly guide walks through what happens before, during, and after play — including negotiation, power exchange, safety, aftercare, and drop — so you can feel prepared, confident, and grounded in your submission.
Your First BDSM Scene: What to Expect Before, During, and After Read More »
Full Question: Do you think that pre-play negotiation is important when you’ve been together for months? Answer: Yes and no. We’ve discussed pre-scene negotiation here before, but a brief refresher is always nice. Pre-scene negotiation is the conversation between play partners to discuss what you agree to do during play, what safety and safewords you
Is pre-play negotiation important in long-term relationships? Read More »
Full Question: When and how do you negotiate with your partner? I want him to be happy, and I’m willing to make compromises; I just want to balance sticking to my own values. Answer: I think we all want our partners to be happy without sacrificing our own values and needs. Negotiating happens at the
When and how do you negotiate? Read More »
If you’ve spent more than a few minutes researching BDSM, even just scrolling through Submissive Guide, you know that negotiation is one of the cornerstones. Negotiation and consent are the primary ways BDSM is distinguished from abuse – they are essential parts of kinky play. But far too many people gloss over how important it
The Importance of Safety, Risk-Awareness and Consent in Pre-Scene BDSM Negotiation Read More »
Explore a sample Master/slave contract that includes an ethical non-monogamy section. Use this customizable D/s template to create a relationship contract tailored to your dynamic.
Sample Master/slave Contract with Ethical Non-Monogamy Section Read More »
This is our current contract, making adjustments from our other standard version that has served us so well over the years. Over time it became ingrained in us. I knew when to kneel, how he liked me dressed, what he expected to be called. We needed something lighter, less clunky. I have made available our
Sample Master/slave contract – Basic Read More »
Looking for a BDSM D/s contract example? This sample template offers a guide to crafting agreements that define roles, set boundaries, and enhance communication in D/s dynamics.
Navigating D/s: A Sample Contract Read More »
Dear lunaKM, I am new to the lifestyle, and have never had a true Dom. However, now there is a Dom that has shown interest in me, alongside his current submissive/fiancee. While it would be a long distance relationship (LDR), I am interested in the offer, but unsure as how to pursue. To give a
How to Approach a Couple into Kink and Polyamory when You are New Read More »
Dear Submissive Guide, Is it normal for your Master to want to play and have sex with others? Sincerely, Curious Dear Curious, I could give you the glib answer and say, “There’s no such thing as normal” but that doesn’t help you much, does it? Do some people, Dominant or submissive, want to have open
My Master Wants to Have Sex With Other People Read More »
Explore a sample consensual ‘slavery’ contract for BDSM relationships. Learn how these non-binding agreements can help communicate boundaries and establish power dynamics in D/s or M/s relationships.
Sample Consensual “Slavery” Contract Read More »
When we talk about safety we can’t avoid talking about safewords. Do you have a safeword? Do you feel safe having it? Need to go back and learn about safewords first? You can do so here. We’ve developed a false sense of security around the “magic” of safewords. But let me tell you this: it will
Safewords Are Not “Safe Words” Read More »
Submission doesn’t mean silence. Too often, subs believe they shouldn’t express needs once the dynamic is set—but that’s a myth. This guide helps submissives learn how to communicate openly, ask for what they need, and strengthen their D/s relationship with honesty and clarity. Because submission is active, not passive.
How to Ask for What You Need as a Submissive Read More »
Many submissives worry that their sexual needs should come second in a D/s relationship. This article explores why fulfillment, communication, and mutual care are essential parts of healthy power exchange, helping readers understand that submission does not mean ignoring desire, boundaries, or emotional well-being.
Feeling Unfulfilled: Do My Sexual Needs Not Matter in a D/s Relationship? Read More »
I have been in a D/s relationship for eight months, but he has a problem with moving forward, asking three things of me. Kneeling when he comes in, being naked, and calling him Sir. Calling him Sir, I have a hard time doing all the time. I feel that I want to know how he
Calling Him Sir Should Mean Something, Right? Read More »
When a novice submissive first learn about BDSM or D/s power exchange it can be a scary place. The first thing I like to help these novices learn is about safety mantras, particularly the widely accepted Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC. What is SSC? It’s a credo that people in the BDSM community use
Personal Safety Mantra: Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) Read More »
You are in trouble and waiting for corporal punishment. You are anxious, sad, depressed, frustrated about the whole thing but you know that you did something wrong and need to atone for it to get on the right path again. No one likes getting punished (at least you shouldn’t), so what happens if, as the
What to Do When Punishment Starts to Feel Good Read More »
BDSM and Sex Sex and BDSM They do not have to go together, did you know that? While much of what we do in the bedroom can be considered sexual or sensual in nature it does not mean that you have to engage in sexual contact during play. Oftentimes during negotiation people will forget the
Why BDSM and Sex are Not Always Connected Read More »
Whether you are preparing for a scene or well into aftercare it’s always handy to have tools and resources at hand that can help you through all the stages of the play time many of us adore. I’ve gathered a list of the articles and essays on this site that are related to scene care
In Readiness – Scene Care and Aftercare Read More »
We all put a huge amount of thought into our contacts -or we should. But there are often times that things arise and we have no way of predicting them. I recently shared another post about “Outside Forces.” In that post, I talked about steps that may be taken when an outside force storms it
Points to Negotiate in Your D/s Contact That May Not Have Ever Occurred to You Read More »
Aftercare is an elusive beast. Sometimes I need it and sometimes I’d rather be left alone. I’m never very sure which mood I’ll be in when we begin playing but aftercare is always on standby because I take what happens in scene very hard. It goes with my very emotional self. What exactly is aftercare? Reading some
