Sub drop is the feeling of hopelessness and depression that can follow the extreme rush of endorphins during intense play or sex if the sub is not cared for appropriately afterward. Care varies from person to person – some of us need to be held and cuddled and praised and iced or hot packed accordingly, other people need time to lay with their blanket or stuffy and calm down. Either way, sub drop is a very important topic of conversation for you and your Dominant because it can become dangerous to an individual’s health if their serotonin levels (the happiness hormone) remain too low for too long and negative behaviors such as drinking, cutting, or thoughts of suicide can follow. It is important to discuss proper aftercare with your dominant if you are prone to sub drop.
If you are in a long distance relationship, this becomes an even more pressing topic of conversation if you are still participating in intensive play. I had never experienced sub drop until two weeks ago. Master is always a very cuddly person after a session together so I never thought much about my need for more aftercare.
Master and I have been apart for two months now while I am studying in Europe and while we talk about sex a lot and I serve out punishments, we have not had any intense play until two weeks ago. Master made me cum torture myself while he watched – incredibly painful and tear inducing when it was happening, the aftermath was worse. When I was finally done with the activity, Master praised me and we spoke for about fifteen more minutes and then he left and I set myself up to do homework.
It was about now that I realized I was on the cusp of tears and that I was shaking. My body was in pain and I was overwhelmed with emotion. Master had put down his phone and walked away and I was left very alone in my hyper-emotional state. When I messaged one of my BDSM friends about it, she confirmed – sub drop. It was a horrible experience but I was proactive and I found a way to make it through unscathed.
What did I do? I thought about what we normally did after play to prevent this kind of thing from happening. Closeness, physical warmth, comfort, my Master murmuring that I had done well in my ear. I did my best to recreate the scene 5000 miles away from my Master. I put on my heavy sweat pants and a comfortable shirt, made myself some very warm tea, and nestled into my bed forming a cocoon with my blankets. It was not nearly as effective and took much longer than had Master been there, but I was okay afterward.
More importantly, I brought this up with my Master. I had to choose my words carefully to make sure that I was not construed as being accusative, “You hung up without taking care of me”, but rather that we openly discussed the situation that had taken place. I first defined sub drop – both the more official definition, which he of course knew, but also how sub drop affected me. I then told him about the situation that had arisen the day before. I told him what I had done and we brainstormed ways to further reduce instances of this happening when we played long distance. Master would stay on the phone longer to make sure I was okay, maybe we would turn it into a movie date where we both laid in bed watching the same movie to make us seem closer and drink the same drinks.
Though my needs may not mirror yours post play, it is important to know that sub drop can happen even when your Dominant is not physically present. When there is an extreme rush of hormones, your body will need to come down eventually. With the proper aftercare, you can bring yourself down slowly, and not be crashing all at once. Your dominant may also have a sense of why you tend to gravitate towards certain activities or cuddle positions post-play and may be able to suggest things that can take their place or ways to generate a similar feeling of security and support from afar. Make sure that if you are experiencing sub drop you tell your Dominant because it is important to put your physical and mental safety first!