When you’re working full time in a professional field, the desire to submit can be impeded by a good number of obstacles. As a submissive who balances my full-time employment with my submissive role, one of my chief concerns will always be finding a way to please my dominant while maintaining a strong professional image outside of the home. Because of the latter portion of my responsibilities, I was hesitant in wanting to explore the D/s dynamic. The last thing that I wanted was to have to give up my job—likewise, however, I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to explore a budding interest because of my work environment. Regardless, it was difficult to find any information about balancing my professional life with my submissive desires, so this article is dedicated to the people who, like me, wish to explore the D/s relationship dynamic and continue to work in the professional world.
My submissive journey began a little stranger than most. My partner and I had known each other for about two years and had been dating long distance for a little over a year Neither of us has been in a serious relationship before and as we had not yet met outside of Skype video calls, we were very slowly feeling our way around our commitment to each other. It had come out in the past that both of us had at least some interest in the D/s dynamic—or at the very least in some elements of BDSM, and as the date that we’d set for our first meeting crept closer, I began to play with the ideology of using D/s to bring our relationship into a physical plane. Having only a vague notion of what D/s is, I approached my partner with the idea that she could make up rules for me to follow throughout the day that would (I had hoped) make me feel closer to her on a physical level. The trouble was that I had no idea what sort of rules I was actually after; add to that my full-time job as a high school teacher and the fact that I live a long way from my partner, my lifestyle didn’t seem to be very conducive for committing myself to rules.
My partner did a wonderful job scouring the internet for ideas of rules to give me, but in the end, it seemed that a lot of rules she found were for 24/7 slaves or submissives, and this was neither realistic for us nor something I was ready to commit to without some serious consideration and reflection on whether or not I could enjoy submitting on a smaller scale. After a lot of consideration on my partner’s part, I was given five very easy rules to integrate into my daily routine. I have incorporated them into this article so that you can see how, although intimate, these rules aren’t obtrusive or overbearing. They are copied and pasted directly from the document that my partner gave me, so they’re written from her to me:
- Once a week you will go commando.
- Not applicable if the time of the month
- If I ask you to go commando you will do and that will count as your once a week.
- Once a week you will wear your red panty/bra set.
- If the red set is not clean, the tan or pink set is ok, if none of them are clean time to go commando again! Even if you have already done so once that week.
- Once a week you will wear your red panty/bra set.
- Not applicable if the time of the month.
- I want you to write my name or our names on some part of your body every day.
- Every day, when I wake up I would like an email telling me what you are going to wear that day and the name placement. Undergarments are to be included.
NO toys/brush without permission. (Hands are ok).
As I mentioned, the nice thing about the ruleset was that it allowed me a lot of leeways while I decided whether or not I could be happy following instructions. It also consisted of rules that I could follow on the days that I worked as well as the days that I was at home.
After following my rules for several weeks I had come to the decision that I enjoyed following the directions that I’d been given and I wouldn’t mind giving her more control over my daily routines and habits. At her encouragement, I developed a list of things that I would be willing to do in order to please her. Sadly I no longer have the original list because as time passed, certain rules took precedence, others fell away entirely, and many modified or morphed into something else. The one aspect that has remained is that there are always conditions or clauses in my rules that allow for the fact that I do have to exist in the world outside of my own home. Below I have placed the current set of rules that I follow. Because these are based on the “I am Willing to…” list that I made for my dominant a while back, they are written from me to her. I realize this is marginally backward, but being allowed to maintain my list of rules as such allows me to refresh my memory of each of my active rules whenever a new habit between us develops, and it’s a good reminder that I wholeheartedly agree to follow each rule (otherwise it wouldn’t have made it onto the list!).
Collar and Jewelry:
- I will wear my collar every day. See rule 2a.
- I will adhere to any preference you have regarding which collar I am allowed to wear and for how long I may wear it each day.
- When we are together, I will ask you to put my collar on and to take it off for me.
I will adhere to any preferences that you have regarding the jewelry I wear.
Clothing:
- Each night, I will ask you if you have any preferences regarding my clothing for the next day; I will follow the instructions that you give me.
- Condition 1. In the event that requested garments (i.e. panties, bras, socks, etc.) are dirty, I must default to condition 2a of my old set of rules which states that I must forego wearing any article of clothing in place of the one assigned.
- Condition 2. In the event that you have made a request for me to wear something that is not appropriate for work, I will make arrangements to wear one work-appropriate outfit during the day and change into the requested outfit during the evening.
- You may deny permission to wear any item I have selected, in which case, I must change my clothing, or I just skip the item.
- When we are together, I will ask you to approve of or pick out the clothing I have planned to wear for the next day.
- During the first three days of my cycle, I am to wear something comfortable.
During the day, if I wish to change clothing or take an item off, I must ask permission to do so.
Grooming/Hygiene:
- I will adhere to any preference you might have regarding whether I shower or take a bath.
- I will adhere to any preference you might have regarding whether I bathe/shower at night or in the morning.
- I will also adhere to any preference you have to which body lotion or perfume I use after I bathe/shower.
I will ask you if you have any preferences regarding what color I paint my nails before I paint them.
Daily Tasks:
- Each morning, I will write your name somewhere on my body
- Condition 1. If we are together, I will let you write your name on my body each morning.
- Each evening, I must write an e-mail to you describing in detail everything that I plan to wear the following day. This e-mail must include undergarments, my outfit, jewelry, perfume, and the location of the place I have chosen to write your name for that day, even if you assigned the items to me.
- I will join you for a cup of tea when you ask.
- Condition 1. If I am at work and not able to make a cup of tea, I will make tea as soon as I can.
- I will perform any other tasks given to me either the night prior to or throughout the day.
- Condition 1. If I am unable to do the task due to location, I may request to postpone the task until I am in a location where performing the task is appropriate.
- Condition 2. If I feel unable to perform the task due to lack of privacy, I may request to postpone the task until I have the privacy required to correctly perform the given task.
- I will perform any other tasks given to me either the night prior to or throughout the day.
Condition 3. In the event that the task is sexual in nature and I am on my period, I may request to postpone the task until such time that I am comfortable performing it.
Playing:
- I must ask permission each time I wish to masturbate.
- I must also ask permission to orgasm.
- I must follow any instructions that you give me regarding what I am allowed to use, how long I am allowed to use it, etc. when I masturbate.
- If I am given instructions regarding masturbation prior to asking, I must follow those instructions to the best of my ability. See conditions Daily Tasks 4 sub(1-3).
- I must include an account of my play, including how long, in my nightly e-mail to you. See rule Daily Tasks 2.
If I wish to buy a new toy, I will make arrangements to sit down with you so that we can pick one out together.
This list is probably one of the more lively documents on my computer. I look at it often and I made sure that it’s as up to date as possible, so it’s constantly changing to fit our habits or needs. As such, it’s important to remember when looking at these rules they are based entirely off of what both my Dominant and I enjoy and what we feel we need in order to make our relationship as fulfilling as possible while still taking into account certain restrictions that holding a full-time job has on what I can do.
If you are interested in using either my first set of rules or my living set as an outline for a pitch to your partner, you’re more than welcome to.