Yes—absolutely, 100%, without a doubt—you need boundaries. With your Dominant. With your friends. With everyone you have a relationship with.
A common misconception in BDSM is that safewords replace the need for boundaries. But the truth is, boundaries and safewords serve very different purposes, and both are necessary.
Boundaries are personal. They’re your internal compass—what you’re okay with, what you need, what you don’t want. They define your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual comfort zones. Boundaries protect your well-being before anything even starts—before a scene, before a dynamic, even before a conversation.
Safewords, on the other hand, are your emergency stop buttons. They’re tools used during play to communicate “I need to pause” or “this has gone too far.” They help in the moment but rely on boundaries already being known and respected.
Let’s take a simple example: Maybe you’re uncomfortable being hugged without warning. That’s a boundary. It may seem small, but expressing that clearly—“I need to be asked before someone touches me, even in affection”—helps others respect your space. It also gives your Dominant insight into how best to approach physical intimacy, touch, or even aftercare.
Setting boundaries isn’t topping from the bottom or being “difficult.” It’s a foundational act of self-respect. And when you articulate your boundaries clearly, you also give your Dominant something valuable: the information they need to care for you well.
Submission isn’t about abandoning your sense of self. It’s about offering it with intention. Boundaries help you figure out how far you want to go, what you’re willing to explore, and where you need structure, space, or time.
And a good Dominant? They want to know your boundaries. They see honoring them as part of their Dominance.
So yes, you need boundaries. You’re allowed to matter in your submission; in fact, you must.