Dear LunaKM,
I am fairly new to the D/s lifestyle. A little over a month ago, I met a man and started developing a relationship with him. We had many conversations that were about everyday topics and found we had things in common as well as sexual and D/s conversations. He became my Daddy and I was his Lil one. Things seemed to be going really well and we both seemed excited about how the relationship was developing. There was a strong emotional bond growing. Until last week, when he said he wanted to back off and just be friends. An ex is supposedly moving in with him temporarily and he doesn’t want to have an outside personal life and phone calls at the same time. That maybe in a few months we could pick things back up again. But I have seen he is online on the dating site that we met.
I am baffled and my feelings are hurt. How could a Daddy do that to his lil one? Is he a real Daddy or just a wanna be? Shouldn’t they know how much trust is involved in submission? Especially when their lil one’s share deep things so that they are understood regarding triggers, etc? I shared how I felt about this with him and he hasn’t acknowledged the hurt he caused. I really wanted to find my D, and hoped it was him. But now I won’t even speak to him because I feel broken.
Dear broken,
I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt. I know that you probably wrote this plea while you were still in the throes of anger and sadness and confusion. These are all normal to feel when you’ve been treated this way. It’s sometimes very hard for anyone to get going in a relationship and then have it squashed with the let’s just be friends jab. Especially when the ex-girlfriend is involved in that.
I can’t speculate or let me say I won’t speculate, why he’s pushing you away when the ex is around but I’m sure you have ideas of your own there. Let’s not dwell on that.
What I can do is cover your questions because they are ones that a lot of new submissives have asked at one point or another. No matter if D/s is a part of your relationship or not, you still have to deal with people as people first. Just because someone slaps a label on themselves and says they are a Daddy Dom doesn’t instantly make them a good person. There are always going to be good people and bad people. You have experienced a douchebag.
A Dominant that cares will know how important it is to develop a trusting relationship and won’t take the losers way out like this guy has. Don’t let this situation get you down, you will find someone who cares for you and your confidence in them. It’s normal to question yourself right now, but know that it wasn’t you that ended the relationship in this way. You can only grieve and then move on a little wiser and more cautiously.
With all this, you may want to read about dealing with a breakup to get some more advice on how to recover, take care of yourself and move on when you are ready.
- How to Recover from a Breakup
- Recovering from a Breakup Chat Night