Several years ago on Fetlife, I read something that made Kinky and Popular. I hate that I can’t remember who wrote this, but for sure I remember the writing. I remember the writing because I think like every submissive and slave, I’ve had this issue before and still do from time to time. The title of writing is “My Submission is Better than Yours(And Other Bullshit)”. And that is such a great freaking title for the piece because well, thinking your submission is better than someone else’s, it is a load of bullshit.
With the couple of past articles I’ve done, the one about safewords in punishment and your kink isn’t my kink, this one follows along the line of those. Yes, I am being a broken record, but sometimes I feel like being a broken record isn’t always a bad thing when it comes to specific topics. The one topic is the sense of community and the things that happen that tend to push people away from the community.
I know being competitive is a part of human nature. I can be a very competitive person. I can’t tell you how many Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit games that I have been involved in that have ended with none of the participants speaking to each other for weeks at a time. When I get playing Uno with Daddy, that He is my Owner no longer matters. I am out for blood and waiting, just waiting for that perfect opportunity to play that draw four wild card and there are smart ass comments going back and forth because well, Daddy’s just as bad as I am. I wish I could say that my competitive nature ended with games, but it doesn’t. There have been so many times where I’ve compared my submission to someone else’s, and let’s just say, the results have never been pretty.
I have noticed with myself, that when my competitive nature has shown up in submission, my submission really starts to suffer. The reason this happens is that I’m focusing on the submissive/slave who I think that I am better than and completely caught up in everything she does or says that I lose track of why I submit. It’s not to prove that I’m better than others, but because I love submitting to Daddy. Not only that, but I become rather prideful and this type of prideful isn’t good because I’m proud that I’m better(at least I think I’m better)than this other person and not because I’m Daddy’s slave.
On the other side of the coin, worrying about what other submissives/slaves do can also cause you to doubt your worth. Been there, done that. The example I always think of is when I was reading “Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships”(great book, I do highly recommend it!). I was reading about the things dawn does for her master Dan and how their dynamic is and I found myself thinking “I don’t do that for Daddy and I never thought about doing that for Daddy and that makes me a bad slave”. My self-worth dropped a lot. I finally brought it up to Daddy after having these thoughts running around in my head for a few days and I told Him that I had finally realized(and yes I do need to remind myself of this from time to time)that their dynamic isn’t our dynamic and because she does x, y, z and I do a, b, c doesn’t make me any less of a slave.
The constant comparison of yourself to others doesn’t do anyone, especially you any good. All it does, in the end, is hurt you and take you further away from your ultimate goal to serve your dominant. There is always going to be someone out there who is better than you and that will never change, but how you handle this is what counts the most. Instead of reacting in a negative manner, offer to help someone improve their skills and do things that can help you improve and find people who can help you improve your skills. Instead of tearing each other down and becoming competitive, let’s help build each other up and support one another.