Types of submissives come in as many varieties as wines; there is one for every palette and preference. When someone tells you that you are submissive and you finally admit to yourself that you are submissive, which can be a journey itself, you can figure out how your submission differs from another by what type of submissive you are.
What I’m about to lay out for you is not the only way these terms can be described but it is a good measure for the novice and open to your interpretation. No one way to serve is better than another in this list. Remember that not matter where we are on the mountainous journey, the goal is the same. Surrender.
The Bottom
The bottom is the person who in the BDSM lifestyle enjoys receiving sensation. They always wish to be on the receiving end of the flogger or other sensation. The bottom may direct the session before or during the session; the bottom maintains the control. The act of bottoming is not always sexual. The bottom does not release real control to the top rather it is more of a mutual partnership. Some good examples of “The Bottom” are those who are into the spanking sect of the lifestyle. I have met spankers who will tell you they are not submissive and they don’t have a submissive bone in their body. They are in this for the sexual pleasure of the pain.The bottom is more of a role player rather than a state of mind.
The Bedroom Submissive
The best way to portray this type of submissive is in every facet of life s/he may be vanilla or even Dominant but when the bedroom door shuts the roles drop and s/he submits to the Dominant. The bedroom is where the power exchange happens and stays. This is almost always sexual. In the bedroom, the act of submission is complete, however when the bedroom door is open the bedroom submissive returns to the vanilla world or role.
The Psychological Submissive
The psychological submissive begins his or her submission in their mind. This submissive is submissive in and out of the bedroom. They generally have a need to submit or surrender to a Dominant. The act of submission is mental. S/he can give as much or as little as they wish to or need to give. They then become the responsibility of the Dominant to determine the direction of the relationship. The surrendering is the power exchange. Once the surrender occurs they can become an empty vessel for the Dominant. Love is not required, as this is a mental and psychological submission.
The Slave Heart Submissive
This submissive wishes to surrender everything without becoming a slave. In comparison with the psychological submissive, a slave heart submissive craves the love of the Dominant they submit to. The act of submission is full of emotion and love. S/he gives all they have for the return of love and trust from the Dominant they serve.
The Slave
Unlike the submissive, a slave must surrender completely and be in complete control of a Master. The slave must feel completely owned. The slave usually feels like nothing until Masters gives them a slave identity.When Masters is happy the slave is happy. Many slaves I have talked to feel this way. They feel most complete when with Masters. The slave beams when s/he brings Master pleasure. The slave must surrender, and the slave is not happy until s/he has surrendered. The slave feels completed when surrendering to a Master.
I found the following analogy to be quite interesting and so I am going to share it here. I find that it works well in describing submission in terms that novices might connect better with. It comes from The Australian BDSM Information Site.
Submission is like drinking a glass of water Immediate submissives might have water only when they eat curry. They don’t do it for itself really, they drink it because it makes the curry much better, cleanses the mouth, cuts the fire, makes them able to eat more. They wouldn’t think of drinking water without the curry. Psychological submissives drink water because they like it. Sure they will drink it with curry, but they’ll drink it with roast beef, they’ll drink it with sandwiches, they’ll drink it without food at all–because they like the taste, the way if flows down the gullet, the cleansing feel. The slave is someone in a hot climate. They have to drink water. Nothing else does the job. They can try wine or beer or sweet drinks, but when push comes to shove they must have clean water, because the others don’t cure the thirst. They might allay it some but when the heat is very fierce, water is the only solution.
What do you think of this analogy? Are there types of submissives that I missed?
Further Reading
An excellent essay was shared with my on FetLife by MsKestrel. She has written an essay about the paradigm of submission and I wanted to share it with you here. Please feel free to leave comments on her essay.