When I realized that my previous article on Sub Frenzy didn’t give you any advice on how to tackle it head on I knew I just had to get an article to you about how to manage sub frenzy so that it leaves you smarter, stronger and more prepared to handle the rush.
What is Sub Frenzy again?
Sub Frenzy is that “OMG I gotta have it all right now!” feeling that many of us get when we first learn about something new and interesting pertaining to our kinks. It also happens when we meet a too good to be true Dominant that has swept us off our feet. Frenzy is a lapse in judgement, a slip of common sense and a need to have your desires filled ASAP no matter the cost.
I know you know what I’m talking about. That deep in the belly feeling that you want to be spanked so very badly that you’ll talk to anyone willing to encourage that need and if they volunteer to see you to spank you, then that drives your frenzy even further. Forget that you don’t know the guy’s last name, you haven’t told anyone you are headed 2 hours away for a little playtime or that you haven’t negotiated anything else with this willing spanker. You can probably see the obvious red flags in this tale, right?
Taking that in mind, here are some ways to manage Sub Frenzy. First, we’ll talk about first timer’s frenzy – novices check these tips out. Then, I’ll talk about people who have been out of submission for awhile and are feeling a bit crazy and how to get some fixes in while staying sane.
First Time Frenzy Help is Here!
Stop and take a deep breath. It’s normal to have these feelings, that nervous flutter in the pit of your belly will go away in time. In the meantime… read this post on recapturing common sense and then come back here.
Read and Reasearch
The first and most important task for the frenzied submissive is to learn all you can about a particular craving. If you crave submission, then read about it. Learn how it might work for you. There are hundreds of very good resources available that can give you a realistic and not so realistic view of submitting to someone else.
Learning about a particular activity also helps you be more prepared when you finally get to experience it first hand. And no, just because you are submissive does not give you an excuse not to know how to throw a flogger or use a cane. Knowledge is power. You may not be using the tools, but if you know how they should be used you will be able to spot a fake Dominant (or at least a poorly experienced one) rather quickly. Also study up on how to care for the afterwards of these activities. How do you clean the tools? What sort of marks would you expect and what first aid should you have? These are all very valid points to know.
Go beyond Wikipedia for your information too. Having a variety of sources will help you get to the facts faster and more reliably. Learn how to use your favorite search engine and go beyond the first page of results. Some of the best information doesn’t always get on the front page of searches simply because the webmaster didn’t do a good job optimizing it for appropriate search terms.
Get Perspective
Everyone has moments of urgency and need. Learn how to handle these moments without irrational thinking. You know those videos of drunks doing stupid things or people being dared to do things just because? Yeah, you don’t want to wind up on Youtube, or worse yet, the local/regional news.
You are not alone. Other submissives have had the same feelings you are experiencing and there are some who write about it. Look for those online blogs that connect with you and read about their story. Understanding that submissives exist doing exactly what you want to be doing is comforting and can ground you a bit. Especially if you can contact them and talk to them through email about how you are feeling.
Find Support
If reading other submissive’s blogs isn’t your speed, there are online community forums and sites that have active participation and you can get almost instant support. And if those don’t work, my inbox is always open.
I can’t recommend enough the following places:
- Submissive Support Sisters (FetLife)
- Submissive Women (FetLife)
- Submissive Guide Club
Experienced but Frenzy is Raging?
Frenzy can hit any of us. Even if you have years of experience you too can feel crazy irrational and need a fix of something for one reason or another. It is more commonly a result of being single after having had a BDSM relationship but it’s not unheard of during relationships too. Then what can you do? Get out your Frenzy Kit because I’m going to add some ideas for you.
Service Tops R Us
If you are aching for a play fix then seek someone in the local community that you are friends with and that you trust. Ask them for some relief play. A lot of tops understand that subs need play to take an edge off and can provide that without getting too personal or getting hung up on anything sexual in the exchange. If you don’t know anyone, you can always go to a play party and talk to the hosts. They can point you in a direction of someone they trust and respect that could help you out. It is a lot safer than a random encounter, that’s for sure.
Give a Hand
The BDSM community runs on volunteers and those volunteers are people just like you – wanting the connection to submission or play or are in love with serving the groups at large. Either way, you can get a feeling of fulfillment and service in the community that might help your frenzy calm itself.
But it doesn’t have to be BDSM community involvement. Any organization that you can you volunteer in will relieve that stress and ache. Tell me in the comments what communities do you feel the most comfortable volunteering for?
Work Up a Sweat
Those endorphins and adrenaline that you are jones-ing for can be found in the gym. Trust me, if you work up a sweat and burn some calories you will have a similar feeling to what you would get in a play session. The harder you work out the higher the intensity of feelings during and afterwards.
Write About It
I know that I said if you are a novice that you should seek out blogs and journals from experienced submissives feeling what they are feeling. So it is going to be obvious that YOU are those voices. Talk about how you feel and what you desire. Express your submissive nature and travel through your mind on paper. It will not only help you, but can help others. Part of why Submissive Guide exists is that I can work through submission and share my thoughts with you. I think it’s working, what do you think?
Lonely But Never Alone
Try not to spend too much time alone. Get out with friends and enjoy your life. Don’t sit and stew about being antsy and desperate feeling. Enjoy friend dates, get out for dinner and have fun. You can forget your stress for a time, you can relieve the tension and the need.
No matter how your Frenzy is affecting you or how experience you are with the feelings I hope that you have picked up a few tricks to help allieviate the craziness going on in your head and your body.
Now it’s your turn. What suggestions do you have for managing sub frenzy? I’d like to know your thoughts in the comments.