Dear lunaKM,
As a slave in training, I start doubting my worth when I don’t get a response within an hour.
–impatient
We hear this one a lot. The silence between messages can feel so heavy, especially when your heart is deeply invested. But here’s the truth: your value isn’t defined by someone else’s response time. You are still worthy, still whole, even in the quiet.
In a long-distance dynamic, it’s vital to have a life that continues even when your Dominant is unavailable. So what do you do while you wait? You live. You get up, make your bed, go to work, run errands, talk with friends, play your favorite game, cook something delicious—whatever it is that fills your time with purpose and joy.
Sitting around waiting for a ping that may or may not come isn’t healthy, and it can lead to resentment or spiraling self-doubt. Your Dominant is likely living their life too—working, resting, socializing—and not ignoring you out of malice. Sometimes life just happens.
That said, if you’re in a dynamic with permissions or protocols, consider negotiating “grace periods.” For example: “If I don’t get a reply in 10 minutes, I’ll go ahead with the plan.” This keeps you from feeling trapped while still honoring your agreement.
But if waiting for responses is a constant source of anxiety or sadness, that’s a signal to look deeper. Do you need more communication than they offer? Do your needs for connection, consistency, or reassurance go unmet?
It’s okay to ask for more. It’s okay to want regular check-ins or a plan for communication. And it’s absolutely okay to recognize if someone can’t give you what you need. That’s not failure—it’s incompatibility.
Your Dominant should enhance your life, not leave you questioning your worth.