Full Question: How do you feel about self-collaring? Answer: I don’t think my personal opinion about self-collaring is necessary, but I would like to talk about what it is and why it can create conflict within the community (and it shouldn’t). A BDSM collar can have different meanings. It can show ownership, devotion, or submission. […]
What is self-collaring? Read More »
Full Question: Can you give me some advice to handle better the transition period of getting rules and structure and sticking to it? Answer: Learning new behaviors and habits will always be a challenge, and that’s what rules and structure are from your Dominant partner. So, if you attack them like any other goal, it
Tips for Learning New Rules and Structure Read More »
Full Question: What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant? Answer: It takes some thought, that’s for sure. I suggest you start with a personal protocol. A personal protocol is a set of rules with a punishment/reward system that any submissive can use to help improve themselves
How Can I Satisfy My Need to Submit Without a Dominant? Read More »
Full Question: What can I do when I feel depressed and have the urge to withdraw from my dominant or pretend that I’m okay? Answer: Depression is difficult to go through, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. I applaud your efforts to find ways to battle some of the symptoms. I hope that I
Depression causing a withdrawal from D/s Read More »
Full Question: Luna…I am so very confused. I know I am submissive, but lately, I have been questioning if I am a sub or a baby girl. I don’t know exactly how to differentiate between the two, as the lines are kind of blurry for Daddy Doms. Help? Answer: Labels are confusing. They often have
Am I a Sub or a Baby Girl? Read More »
Full Question: My question revolves around the idea of being a new sub and wanting desperately to act it out with almost anyone who will play the Domme. It’s a kind of frenzy. But as you grow into the role, how do you set sensible boundaries and have a code of honor and values so
How do you set sensible boundaries when you’re a new sub? Read More »
Full Question: Please help. I’ve been so lost since my Master’s death. I feel so incomplete. Too many decisions, where’s my rules, where’s my life? How do I maintain my structure? I don’t know where to start, end or if I’m running in circles. Answer: I’m so sorry to hear of the death of your
I’ve been so lost since my Master’s death. What do I do? Read More »
Full Question: I met someone online, and he opened up to me about BDSM and him being a Dom. I had never even heard of the term before. Almost a year later, I still have a lot of questions unanswered. He wants us to meet, and so do I, but I’m scared. He says that
I’m very new, should I slow down? Read More »
Full Question: Do you think that someone can lose their submissive side? And how do they get it back? Answer: I feel if you identify as submissive, you can’t actually lose it, but you can lose sight of why you are submissive and what your focus in submission is. I get visibly angry at the
Can you lose your submissive side? Read More »
Full Question: How would I know if I am a submissive? Answer: Submission has been called a gift, a natural characteristic, and a choice. Some people find submission a natural way to live, and it comes to them easily and simply. Other submissives have to learn about submission step by step. When you feel you
How would I know if I am a submissive? Read More »
Full Question: What really are the differences between submissive and slave? Can you be one and then change your mind later? Answer: Types of submissives come in as many varieties as wines; there is one for every palette and preference. When someone tells you that you are submissive and you finally admit to yourself that
What’s the Difference Between a Submissive and a Slave? Read More »
Full Question: How can I be a bratty submissive so that my Dom enjoys it without losing my submissiveness? Answer: Being a bratty submissive can be a challenge! Brattiness has a broad spectrum from the playful “uppity bottom” to the smart-ass masochist. A brat is a bottom who enjoys struggling against control or challenging the
How can I be bratty and submissive? Read More »
Full Question: Can a little be a slave? How would this dynamic look different from a “normal” m/s dynamic? How would it look the same? Answer: Yes! This answer is for any submissive role, so if you aren’t a little or a slave you will hopefully learn a bit more about roles in BDSM. Roles
Can a little be a slave? Read More »
Question: As someone with anxiety, what are some good ways I can try to emotionally regulate myself when having strong feelings, so I don’t have to burden my Dominant with them all the time? Answer: According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), over 40 million people have anxiety in the US. That’s
How can I regulate my anxiety, so I don’t burden my Dominant? Read More »
As a slave, I am responsible for certain activities within the house. I cook, clean, and am otherwise generally responsible for maintaining the household in ways that do not require professional repair. So, while I’m not expected to perform plumbing or electrical work, I might be required to repaint walls or maintain the garden. One
Learn to Accept Your Limitations: A Personal Lesson on Teamwork In The Dynamic Read More »
Through the previous articles in this series, you’ll have learned how to build your personal values and how to let go of your past, including your past mistakes. Learning from failure is a skill that, while difficult, can have longstanding benefits. Many submissives, myself included, get stuck on failure, wear them around our neck with
Solo-Coaching: Learning From Failure – It’s A Good Thing Read More »
Let’s face it: there is nothing sexy about flying off the handle. As submissives, we are used to a certain degree of control in our lives. But how much of that is exerted over our emotions? Do we give ourselves credit for the amount of power we have to improve ourselves by exercising moderation in
Emotional Moderation in Submission: Choose Your Emotions Wisely Read More »
If I asked you right now to stop and say aloud all the things you wanted, what would you list? A new home, a new car, more money, set up your own business, a relationship or a new job? Sound familiar? It’s really easy to list off wants and desires. We often make plans to
Solo-Coaching: Identifying Unmet Needs and How to Reprioritize Them In Your Life Read More »
As a submissive, we are often bombarded with people telling us that we have to know our wants and needs; from when we first start out, to when we find a relationship, from when we start struggling with this or that, to exploring something new. Wants and needs are quite important. But what’s also important
One of the most daunting things we do in our life is knowing you want to change or need to change. We all aspire to improve our lives and wish to take on the challenge to make those changes, but quickly we’ll realize that motivation is the key to that change. You can’t become a
Solo-Coaching: Three Key Elements to Fire Your Motivation for Change as a Submissive Read More »
