Whether you are kinky only in the bedroom or participating in D/s as a lifestyle, developing rituals for your BDSM play is an intimate and powerful way to connect. Using rituals will strengthen your roles, build dynamic scenes, and amplify your playtime to create the ideal atmosphere for BDSM activities.
What are Rituals?
Rituals used in BDSM situations are meditative, focused activities or set of behaviors meant to connect you with a specific feeling. That feeling can be anything from relaxation, anticipation, or excitement. Rituals are also used to deepen the mindset of submission and subservience. It's about setting the stage for the next interaction. Rituals are useful in BDSM to separate our everyday life and transition into a mindful focus. That focus could be your Dominant, playtime, your submission, or any other mood that your dynamic has developed. They can also signal fun, playful exchanges, and intimate bonding moments.
Anyone can benefit from rituals in playtime; Dominants feel empowered, submissives get help focusing on their mindset, and couples build intimacy and variety in their BDSM play.
The mental image that the word “rituals” conjures up is one of a slow, methodical, dull, or old-fashioned set of behaviors, and you may have heard that having rituals is an activity reserved for more "serious 24/7 Masters and slaves." Nothing could be further from reality. Rituals that you develop do not have to feel dry and boring. Sometimes, when others share rituals they have, you may realize, "That's a ritual? I do that too!" The best rituals are brief yet powerful behaviors that pack a big emotional impact.
A few examples of brief rituals with a high emotional impact:
- Kneeling and reciting a mantra
- Kissing your partner's feet
- Offering the tool of your punishment with reverence
In these examples, the point is to create a feeling in you, the submissive, or an atmosphere in which power exchange can happen. How do you feel when you kneel with purpose?
Types of BDSM Rituals
Since BDSM rituals are personal to the relationship and the people in it, they can be for any purpose or situation. The point with any ritual is they are repeatable and memorable; they don't have to be time-consuming, detailed activities. While your imagination only limits the variety, the more popular ones can fall under four categories.
Verbal Rituals
In verbal rituals, the trigger to begin the ritual is often a command or a phrase that has to be said, responded to, or repeated. Verbal rituals will provide ways to respond to requests, directions, or commands during play to keep your head focused and to engage in the exchange.
Ideas include:
- Having a formulaic response to a question
- Reciting a mantra on command
- Asking for another strike of something you usually don't enjoy
- A set way to confirm consent for what is about to happen, "I have entered into the dungeon willingly and submit to your authority completely, Sir."
- Adding a gratitude ritual after playtime, to thank the Dominant for the experience
Meditative Rituals
Performing meditative rituals creates a relaxing, focused atmosphere and calms your mind to be receptive to other things. They can also be used to build anticipation and excitement for what is about to occur.
Mediation can involve a lot of different things, for example:
- Learning submissive positions
- Kneeling at the foot of the bed, or in front of your Dominant in quiet contemplation
- Wearing a hood before an intense scene to heighten anticipation and anxiety of the pain you're about to experience
- Standing in a corner to reflect on being bad before getting punished
Transitional Rituals
A transitional ritual is a behavior or action that helps you shift your mood to move from one mindset to another. Before play, this could look like:
- Preparing for play, such as bathing and dressing or undressing for play
- Putting on a play-specific collar
- Laying out the tools and toys in a presentable manner and setting up the play space
- Kissing the first tool/toy before play begins
- Asking for permission to enter the play space
It can work in reverse as well, to return to the mindset after play:
- Ceremonially removing the play collar
- Cleaning up the play space
- Performing your aftercare in a set way
Reactionary Rituals
Reactionary rituals are just like they sound. They are actions performed in response to something, such as a verbal command, a snap of the fingers, or being released from bondage.
Reactionary rituals could be:
- Bowing or kneeling when you enter the play space
- Presenting your wrists to be bound when your Dominant picks up some cuffs
- Counting the strikes when you are spanked
- Assuming submissive positions on cue
Another form of reactionary rituals is call and response. These are great and pulling your mind into the proper emotion even if you don't feel it. Call and response rituals like:
"Who owns you?"
"You own me, Master, body, and soul."
"Why are you here?"
"To provide you with pleasure, Master, always, and in all ways."
"Answer me."
"Sir, yes, Sir."
In Closing
I hope I’ve encouraged some of you to try adding rituals to your BDSM scenes. As you can see, they don't have to be stuffy, dry actions that you do without thinking. The best rituals invoke a feeling, and then that feeling provides the perfect moment to connect in play. Have a conversation with your Dominant today and see if you can decide on a small ritual to try.
What rituals do you have for your BDSM playtime? Mention @subguide on Twitter and let us know!
