Okay, so here I go again stepping into what may be a heated topic for many people, but I’m going to say it anyway.
Kink and alcohol (or drug use) don’t mix.
Now, let me clarify what I mean.
If you drink or smoke pot or do something else, more power to you. Me? I prefer a Jack and Coke or a margarita on the rocks (no salt). And I’m not into smoking anything, personally, but I don’t care much if other people do it.
But just like I won’t get in a car with someone who’s had too much to drink, I’m definitely not letting someone who’s intoxicated come at me with a flogger or tie me up, either.
For those who wonder what the big deal is, I’ll explain.
Judgment, Reflexes, and Decision-Making
In the United States, we have very specific legal blood alcohol limits that, if you drink enough to go over those limits, you can’t legally operate a car. Why? Because your judgment is impaired, your reflexes slow down, and you’re not able to make split-second decisions that you need to in order to safely drive a car.
When I get kinky with someone and let them spank me, tie me up, or do something to me where I’ve given up control, I need to trust that they are fully present in the moment and nothing impairs their judgement. Someone who’s had too much to drink or gotten high may not be able to respond to my safeword or judge the tightness of a knot or even realize they’re hitting too hard or in the wrong spot. On the other hand, if I’ve had too much to drink, I may not be able to give my safeword if things get too rough or painful.
Let’s flip the coin. Maybe a Dominant isn’t the only one who’s had too much. Submissives can get drunk too. Well, now we have a different problem. It is possible to be too drunk to legally consent. Someone who is clearly intoxicated, unable to think clearly, speak well, or basically acts drunk (or high) is probably too drunk to give clear and obvious consent to play or sex.
If you play with someone who’s really drunk, and they cry foul the next day - which they may because in their drunken state they could have been confused or believed the scene was part of a dream - you’ll be the one who’s responsible, not them. Consent is such a key element of BDSM and kink, you should never put yourself in a position to wonder whether you really had consent or not - or as a submissive, to wonder if you really consented to what happened.
If you’re going to drink or get high, have at it and be safe when you do. But if you know you’re going to do a scene or get kinky later, ease off before you have too many or save the drinking for another night. Don’t put the safety of you or your partner at risk just for a few drinks. It’s not worth it.
Image via Kozzi.com