When Submissives Go Wild: Sub Frenzy

Originally published 4/3/2009, updated and expanded 4/22/2025

Submissive Frenzy, often simply referred to as “sub frenzy,” is a psychological state of overwhelming desire and need that can arise at any point in a submissive’s journey. While it is most commonly associated with those new to submission and BDSM, seasoned submissives are not immune. It may occur after a breakup with a Dominant, during periods of unfulfilled needs in an existing relationship, or even when returning to the scene after time away.

This state can feel all-encompassing. It’s as if a fire has been ignited, and the only thing that can extinguish it is indulging in the submissive desires that have taken hold of your mind. However, as intoxicating as it feels, this sense of urgency can cloud judgment, leading to risky behaviors and potentially harmful situations.

Understanding what submissive frenzy is, why it happens, and how it manifests can help you navigate this challenging phase more safely.

What Causes Submissive Frenzy?

Submissive frenzy is driven by the intense psychological and physiological reactions that many experience when they discover—or reawaken—their submissive side. BDSM practices often create a cocktail of neurochemical responses, including dopamine and endorphin surges, that can feel addictive. Much like withdrawal symptoms, frenzy occurs when the submissive mind feels deprived of those sensations or craves them anew.

For new submissives, this frenzy often stems from a lifetime of unfulfilled desires finally being named and validated. Before discovering BDSM, you may have carried a vague sense of longing or incompleteness. This unnamed desire might have been frustrating, confusing, or even isolating. Once you realize that submission is the answer to your inner yearning, it can feel like a dam has burst. You don’t just want it; you need it and need it immediately.

Experienced submissives, on the other hand, might encounter frenzy due to a sudden gap in their lifestyle. Perhaps they’ve ended a D/s relationship or haven’t been able to engage in play for an extended period. With their prior knowledge of how satisfying submission can be, the longing to return to it can feel even more urgent and desperate.

How Submissive Frenzy Manifests

Frenzy doesn’t look the same for everyone, but there are some common signs:

• Impaired Judgment: Making impulsive decisions about partners, play, or boundaries without considering long-term consequences.
• Desperation for Connection: Feeling willing to overlook red flags or engage with unsafe Dominants to satisfy the craving for submission.
• Risky Behavior: Agreeing to activities without adequate negotiation, consent, or safety measures in place.
• Emotional Turmoil: Experiencing feelings of anxiety, restlessness, or frustration when desires aren’t immediately met.
• Obsession: Spending excessive time on forums, dating apps, or BDSM events searching for a Dominant or play partner.

For example, a new submissive might dive headfirst into meeting a Dominant from an online chatroom without taking the time to vet them. A seasoned submissive might attend a play party and push their physical or emotional limits beyond what they would normally consider safe, all in the hope of relieving the intense longing.

A Personal Story: A Hard Lesson Learned

During my initial sub frenzy, I made the mistake of letting my desperation override my better judgment. I met with a Dominant for the first time at their house, at night, without taking precautions like meeting in a public place or bringing a friend along as a safety net.

Initially, everything seemed fine, but things escalated quickly during play. The Dominant crossed one of my hard limits—a “no-go” zone—and although he apologized afterward, I rationalized the situation and continued seeing him. Two weeks later, he violated my boundaries again, this time leaving me with injuries that required medical attention.

That experience forced me to re-evaluate my approach to submission and to take my safety more seriously. It was a painful lesson, but I hope others can learn from it without enduring similar harm. Submissive frenzy can make even the most cautious person take unnecessary risks, but understanding the warning signs can help you avoid such outcomes.

Submissive Frenzy in Experienced Submissives

While sub frenzy is often seen as a “rookie mistake,” experienced submissives are not immune. In fact, their familiarity with their desires can amplify the frenzy. Unlike new submissives, who may be navigating uncharted territory, seasoned submissives often know precisely what they want and how to get it. This knowledge can be a double-edged sword.

For example, some experienced submissives turn to trusted Dominants—often friends in the lifestyle—to help “take the edge off” through play. When approached with care and mutual understanding, these arrangements can be beneficial. A trusted Dominant can provide a safe outlet while ensuring the submissive doesn’t make rash decisions with unsafe partners. However, this approach requires emotional maturity and clear communication.

The Dangers of Ignoring Frenzy

Unchecked submissive frenzy can have lasting consequences:

• Emotional Harm: Rushing into relationships or play scenarios can lead to feelings of regret, shame, or betrayal if things go wrong.
• Physical Injury: Engaging in BDSM activities without proper negotiation, consent, or experience increases the risk of harm.
• Burnout: The intensity of frenzy can lead to emotional exhaustion, making it harder to enjoy submission in the long run.

It’s essential to recognize that frenzy is a natural response to your desires but not a healthy state to remain in.

Tips for Navigating Submissive Frenzy

While this article focuses on understanding submissive frenzy, managing it is just as important. You can find a detailed guide on how to cope with frenzy in our companion article, Managing Submissive Frenzy.

In brief, here are some strategies:

1. Pause and Reflect: Take time to journal or meditate on your feelings. Understanding the source of your frenzy can help you make more rational decisions.
2. Seek Support: Surround yourself with trusted friends in the BDSM community who can offer guidance and perspective.
3. Educate Yourself: Continue learning about BDSM dynamics, negotiation, and safety to empower yourself with knowledge.
4. Set Boundaries: Establish clear limits for yourself, and don’t let desperation push you into compromising them.
5. Take it Slow: Remember that submission is a journey, not a race. Rushing into it may rob you of the joy of exploration and growth.

Final Thoughts

Submissive frenzy is a powerful force, but it doesn’t have to control you. By understanding its origins and recognizing its signs, you can approach your desires with greater awareness and care. Whether you’re new to submission or a seasoned veteran, remember that your safety and well-being should always come first.

Talk to trusted friends, learn from others’ experiences, and remind yourself that taking things one step at a time is okay. The right opportunities for submission will come when you are ready and in a healthy mindset to embrace them fully.