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Fundamentals

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Rules, Rituals and Protocol

Rituals and protocols can add richness, structure and even a little fun to a D/s relationship. Knowing the difference between the two can help the submissive better understand the desires and intentions of the dominant, and to be more pleasing when performing them.

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Altered Mental States

The human mind is vulnerable to suggestion. Within the BDSM community, there is a strong underlying foundation for voluntarily focused enthrallment.

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Am I Submissive?

So, you want me to tell you how you can tell if you are submissive or not? Asking someone else if you are submissive is like asking a blind man what color your dress is. Is there some magical online quiz that can say whether you are submissive or slave? Unfortunately no and I don't think I'd listen to the results of one if it existed either. Submission isn't something you can find in a self-help book or a therapist. Submission is a calling.

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An Accidental Outing: Encountering Other Kinky People in Your Vanilla Life

The key is making sure that your newfound friends understand your comfort level at being identified as a kinkster. If you get that out into the open from the start, you’ll be fine!

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Anal Play: Beginner to Stretch in No Time

Rayne gives some excellent tips for those of you just starting out with anal play. Take her personal journey to the heart and keep the lube bottle nearby. Butt play can be so erotic and fun. Lift the veil and the fear to give it a try!

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A Personal Story About Discovering and Testing Limits

Discovering limits is almost as innocuous and confusing as exploring the kinks and fetishes we do want to play with.

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A Person is Not Their Kink: Jumping Into Bed With the Wrong Person

If you want a relationship with someone who enjoys a particular kink so that you can experience it again and again, as well as the dynamics a relationship can bring, read on.

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Ask the Readers - Looking for Signals During Play

What signals do Tops look for during play that display to them that you are having a good time? Come share your thoughts!

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A Slap in the Face: Exploring Face Slapping in BDSM

A slap can say a lot of things, given the circumstances and the parties involved. To some, a slap in the face can say “I love you.” It can say, “you've fucked up.” It can say any number of things in between. But something it will always convey is “you're Mine.” The control and the ownership that is inherent in that one motion can be overwhelming. He loves me enough to discipline me when I need it.

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Assessing the Value of Checklists

For a novice submissive exploring SM, a checklist can open up a world of fantasies or scare you right back into your light kink and rough sex. Checklists are not meant to scare you or overwhelm you, but I've seen lists that are more like lists of all sorts of rare fetishes and extreme play that only a few ever explore. Why you would want or need that on a novice checklist is beyond me.

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A Switch of the D/s Lifestyle

When I was finally more aware of the community, there was a lot of negative attitudes toward switches. It was thought they had no clear idea about if they wanted to be, submissive or dominant. And “Why can’t they make up their mind?” sort of an attitude.

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