After writing "Rules for the Working Sub" my Dom suggested that I continue writing articles that focus on the long distance aspects of our relationship. At her encouragement, I've decided to try my hand at a series which I hope will be of help to anyone who is involved or is thinking of becoming involved, in a long distance relationship.
We can all agree that there is no One Way to practice a healthy D/s relationship, but since the popularization of cyberspace, the practitioners of the community have been locked in a stalemate debate: do long distance D/s relationships really work? There are a great many arguments for and against the validity of long distance relationships—many of which are compelling in one way or another.
There are those, for instance, who would argue that it is impossible to tell whether or not you truly feel a connection with someone when you aren’t in the same room, and likewise others who counter that they enjoy the fact that having all of the cyberspace between them gives them time to get to know the person on a more intimate, intellectual level before diving into the realm of physical attraction.
But as with many aspects in all types of D/s and traditional relationships, what you do within your relationships doesn’t matter half as much as how you do it. The importance here is that you and your partner(s) find the way that works for YOU.
As I established in my article, “Rules for the Working Sub,” my Dominant and I have known each other for several years and have been in a relationship at least half of that time. When I say that we are long distance, I mean that the only way I can actually be in the presence of my Dom is by spending nine hours on a plane or several days on a boat; but the relationship that I have with my Dom is one of the strongest and most constant aspects of my life. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell anyone who asked that meeting my Dom was one of the best little accidents of the universe I’ve had the pleasure of being part of, but I would also never suggest that being in a steady, primarily online relationship, is an easy feat. Whereas all relationships have their challenges, a long distance relationship takes those challenges and compounds them. Being committed to a relationship with someone that you cannot physically reach out and touch can be daunting, terrifying, frustrating, and above all depressing. It requires that both parties be aware of even the smallest of nuances that could arise in the relationship at any point and that both be willing to lay hearts, bare and bleeding, on the slab for examination at a moment’s notice.
“Sounds terrible!” you say.
And sometimes it is, but loving my Dom the way I do and being loved the way I am is more than a fair price to pay.
But my Dom and I are not the only couple in this world committed to a long distance relationship—and we certainly are not the only D/s couple who rely on the internet as a forum for exchange. We know that it is entirely possible to have a happy, healthy relationship, even with an ocean between us, and with the sudden burst of online Dominance and submission, we know that there are many people out there who could benefit from understanding the challenges of online/long distance submission/relationships—or at least knowing that they aren’t the only ones who are experiencing certain difficulties within their relationships.
Originally, I was going to segue into a section on communication in a long distance relationship, but I think that this is a good place to end the article with an introduction to the series (it's gotten a wee bit lengthy, I'm afraid). So rather than jumping in with both feet, let me then beg your indulgences a little while longer and take this moment to outline the challenges that I will be addressing in future articles.
- Communication: How it can be difficult, why it’s important, and how to go about communicating effectively
- Meeting up: Dealing with a budget, getting the most out of your time together, and preparing for “the absence”
- Long Distance play sessions: ideas, tips, etc. (originally I was going to do something about dealing with absence after a meetup, but a similar article has already been written, so I invite you to find and read that instead.)
It’s quite a lot as it stands, and I know that there are many other things that I would love to be able to talk about as well, so be on the lookout for straggler articles as well as these. For now, I leave you with a few parting questions:
What is your stance on long distance commitment? Are you in one? Does being in a D/s relationship make that commitment more of a challenge? What are some aspects of your relationship—long distance or not—that you feel are imperative to its maintenance?
Feel free to answer in the comments below, or to offer suggestions on other articles dealing with aspects of long distance relationships that you would like to see.
Until next time!