Oftentimes we find our desire to be submissive or kinky when we are already in a relationship and are not sure really how to proceed with that. It can come as a shock to try to force your desires on your partner and if you address the subject without their thoughts in mind it could end badly. (KnyghtMare came over here and said, "this isn't going to be some horrible Cosmo article where you tell them to force changes on their men, right?" It's not, trust me here.) So, here's my advice.
First, accept that not everyone is wired to enjoy kink or be Dominant/submissive. Just because you have someone who exhibits a dominant personality does not mean they will want to be Dominant in the relationship. Just because your partner got a little kinky that one time during sex does not mean they have a kinky bone in their body. So be prepared to broach the subject with them gently.
I understand that most of you in relationships don't want to even consider leaving them for one reason or another and I'm not asking you to. But keep in mind that you may not have the Dom of your dreams in-the-making right there in the next room. There ARE things you can do to feel a little bit of submission or a little bit kinky even if your partner is straight-laced vanilla and that's what I'm going to try to help you achieve and work with. You don't have to be Albert Einstein to figure out that if that doesn't work for you - the next step may be opening up or ending the relationship.
First things first, you need to talk to them.
I'm certain that comes as no surprise that you need to talk to your partner and see if they might be on the same page with your desires. It's going to be hard to talk to him about these things but do it. He's your partner and he wants to be with you, so get over your discomfort and talk to him. There are some fantastic essays on this site about talking with your partner.
- Initiating a Discussion about BDSM Interest with Your Partner - ted_subby - Part 1 of a 3 part series. Highly recommended.
- Ask SehAnru | Communicating Kinky Needs to a Vanilla Partner - SehAnru
- Establishing a Safe, Trusting Environment for Talk - lunaKM
- Helping Your Partner Become More Dominant - lunaKM
Now that you've sat down with your partner and talked about them you have a bit more information - especially on what they think of your new desires and interests. It's time to process what they said. Don't take everything as negative or positive. Just think rationally about what they have said. You may need to take some time and read more of the essays I listed above to understand where your partner is coming from.
Figure out what you can do yourself to feel submissive.
Yes, this is hard, but it's possible. Think about the things you do on a daily basis that could be service to your partner. From making his coffee, preparing meals, making appointments for them, being sexually available, dressing in clothing you know they like and so on. Just start putting these things in the "I submit in this way" category. Start treating it as submissive actions. It's very likely if you have an attentive partner they will notice that you are happy doing these things. It's not a direct feeling because your partner isn't actively asking or expecting you to do these things, but it should fill you with a sense of fulfillment as your partner learns what is driving you.
Take some time to have discussions with your partner about what you are doing and what the changes in focus are doing for you. In these discussions, you want to use "I" statements and don't accuse them of not being enough or doing enough to develop your submissive desires. The purpose of these is to keep the communication lines open.
Start incorporating kinky things in the bedroom slowly.
If kink is your desire, most people are willing to spice up their sex life a little bit so don't overwhelm your partner by saying you want to be tied up, whipped, flogged, made to cry and then fucked silly. While that sounds hot in fantasy, it's hard to pull off as a novice and is way too much to plan. But you can experiment with one thing at a time. Bondage is something creeping into the mainstream and with the press on 50 Shades of Grey you can likely find kits in your local sex shop that might entice your partner to play your Christian if you play Ana. Ask your partner what kind of fantasies they have and try to incorporate them into your sex life. Even group sex fantasies can be enacted in some cases without having other people involved through the use of toys and videos.
Finally, don't forget that communication should happen regularly and be non-threatening. Sometimes you just can't bring the Dominant in your partner out and you have to make difficult decisions. Hopefully, you will both be able to talk to each other and see what the best solution is.