Dear Submissive Guide,

I told my fiance today that I was interested in being submissive, But I wanted to start of slowly. He agreed to it, said we could give it a shot.

I'm wondering now, what I should call him. I personally don't like Master or Sir. He definitely doesn't like Master. Only other one I know of is "Daddy" but I don't know if he likes it, I don't feel too comfortable using it either. Any ideas?

Sincerely,

Looking for a Name

Ahhh, the big question most kinksters ask themselves from the very beginning...what name do I use?

The simplest and hardest thing is that what you call your partner is completely up to you. Master, Sir, and Daddy are the most common, but they aren’t the only options. Here are a few I’ve heard over the years:

  • Mister
  • Chief
  • Coach
  • Boss
  • Liege
  • King
  • Lord
  • Duke
  • Marquis
  • Viscount

As you can see, people have taken the “title” thing very literally. If you’re a history buff, go through old books to look for other terms or titles that might work. (Luna adds: I've also heard military titles, "Captain", "Sergeant", "Colonel", etc.)

You can make it more unique by adding an initial, his name, or a made-up name to any of these. He might become Coach Q or Bossman or Lord James. And you’re not stuck with this list of titles. It can be, literally, anything.

You also don’t have to give him a title, if you don’t want to. I know a few D/s couples who use their real names because, for them, the titles don’t matter, it’s the tone in his voice, the actions, and the kinky things they do.

You may also find that you change over time as your relationship grows. When I first met my Dominant, he was “Sir” and several months later, he became “Daddy” because that fit us better.

Try out some names, see how they feel saying it and hearing it. And don’t force yourself to pick one that doesn’t work for you. Take your time. If you’re meant to use titles like this, it will come to you.