When you are looking for a Dominant for the first, or last, time, you have a few reasons to wonder if the person you see is compatible with you. After all, you don’t want to spend a lot of time getting to know someone if they are not going to be your perfect, or almost perfect, partner. Right?
I’ve put together a few signs to help you tell if someone might be a good match for you. As with everything I write, please don’t take this as the only ways you can be compatible with someone. It’s just a general guideline.
1. You have non-BDSM related things in common.
We often forget that the BDSM in a relationship isn’t everything we do. Even if your goal is to be a 24/7 submissive you aren’t going to be engaged in play or sex every minute of the day. So finding someone that you also enjoy the same sports, leisure activities and movies will come in handy. While you are dating don’t forget to ask them about what they enjoy doing alone as well - just in case they prefer quiet activities where you love louder solo pursuits.
2. You genuinely enjoy being around them.
If you are going to submit to someone then the goal of submission would work a lot better when you enjoy being in their presence, not just for play but for dinner, watching TV or a myriad of other mundane moments. Submitting to someone that gets on your nerves when not playing won’t last as a partner.
3. The BDSM Checklist that you filled out is similar to theirs.
A BDSM checklist is a valuable tool for figuring out if you have similar interests when it comes to play and power exchange. Don’t neglect to keep yours up to date and if the Dominant doesn’t have one, ask them to fill one out for you. Also, remember that even if some of the things don’t match up, it doesn’t mean you won’t work well together. It’s all a matter of priority.
4. You aren’t afraid to communicate and share your innermost secrets with them.
A lot of what we talk about when we talk about communication is being able to tell someone what you are afraid of, what you fantasize about and what you are usually more uncomfortable sharing. If you can be open with someone on that level it is a good chance that you are compatible with them.
5. You are physically attracted to them.
Don’t forget to listen to your sexual desires. A Dominant that you are interested in should light your loins afire! Attraction is a base element of wanting to do positive things in your life, and if you have the perfect person for that your other desires will fall into place that much easier.
6. You both have the same relationship style expectations.
What I mean by this is if you want a monogamous relationship and they are looking for something poly or open then the person is probably not compatible with you. The same goes for Dominants that are looking for something on the side. Are you okay with being the second in a relationship?
7. You both respect your personal boundaries.
Ultimately a relationship is about respect. If the person can’t respect your limits on family exposure, sexual limitations, play limits (use that checklist!) or moral obligations then they likely will not respect you for long in other areas. Remember to respect yourself too and if their limits violate your sense of self, your moral or ethical standing then you should reconsider your compatibility.
What you can see here is just a sampling of the thought process to know if someone might be compatible with you. In the end, it is all about your gut instinct. How does it feel deep inside? Does it feel right? Are you questioning or doubting some things about them. Will they not clear up your doubts with open communication? Remember what’s important:
Not every Dominant can be your Dominant. Prize it, value it and find the right person for the job.
What else would you add to this list? How do you decide if someone is compatible with you?