While there are plenty of other books out there that explain how to give a spanking or tie a half-hitch, Playing Well With Others is the first book that explains kink *culture* — the munches, parties, leather bars, conferences, workshops, fetish nights, exploratoriums and all the other gatherings of kinksters that turn BDSM and leather from a bedroom predilection to a lifestyle and a community.
Review
It’s been awhile since I read a book for review on the site, but this book I have been waiting for months to be released and I was thrilled to get an autographed (and kissed) copy by donating to their release tour. Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities
by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams is the quintessential guide for novices and seasoned players ready to enter the BDSM community. No other book like this exists so it’s a great addition to your personal kink library.
While other books focus on tying knots or how to throw a flogger this book helps you figure out navigating munches, play parties and other sex communities. If you have ever wondered what a munch was like, how to prepare for a play party or get back to normal life after a kink event Mollena and Lee do an excellent job detailing the how-tos in a personable, fun and conversational way.
This book is broken up into 11 chapters with 4 well thought out appendixes at the end. It’s laid out with Mollena and Lee caricatures sharing personal tidbits about experiences they have had and tips they suggest which do wonders at making you feel more normal in your desires to explore the kink communities.
My favorite chapters pertained to the types of people you’ll encounter at kink related events and how to behave at these gatherings. It also has a great chapter on understanding what you want to get out of the BDSM and sex community that you enter. But what doesn’t get much press online or in book form that had me reading intensely was the chapter on remaining happy and healthy before, during and after events with topics such as getting what you want and need out of an event, event drop, event crud, sickness, dissatisfaction and “re-framing” negative experiences.
By far the only book that tells it like it is when it comes to person to person interaction in the BDSM community and one of my top picks for newbies who are ready to take the plunge and meet some people, experience social interaction and more. You won’t want to skip this book.
The appendixes are just as important as the rest of the book and shouldn’t be overlooked. Other than the requisite glossary of terms the authors include information on symbols and flags of the kink lifestyle, negotiation and pre-planning worksheets and tips and an expansive further reading section with resources online, short essays right there in the appendix and other books available.