Is it possible to form lasting, healthy, loving relationships that are based on power, control and pain? Of course it is — if you approach it with common sense, care and affection. Respected scene leader Jack Rinella has carefully explored how BDSM relationships fit into the lives of real people of all genders and orientations. From that research, and his own two decades as a an active leatherman, he has assembled this sensible, readable manual about how kinky relationships really work. You’ll learn how to decide what you want from a relationship, find partners, distinguish between fantasy and reality, negotiate agreements to accommodate your changing needs and desires, resolve conflicts, and much more.
Review
After a somewhat poor experience on one of Jack Rinella’s books earlier last year I was slow to give him another chance, but through urgings of readers I sought out another of his books called Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships
. He has redeemed himself through this book. Mr. Rinella gives us an excellent look at kinky relationships, us as individuals and the communities we tend to find ourselves in.
The book is written quite methodically and I love the frequent use of outside resources to help explain the psychological and social topics that are raised. If you are looking for a BDSM relationship primer this book is not for you. But if you are seeking a relationship and are ready to understand how our individual tastes and personal desires help us find kinky partners, you may have found the perfect book. This is a book on the philosophy of kinky relationships more than how to find them or how to live in them.
The first four chapters cover the many types of relationships, and even Mr. Rinella admits that he can’t name them all in this volume but asks that you open your mind to the possibilities presented in the kink scene. The archetypes he covers are:
- Masters and slaves
- Daddies and their boys
- Tops and bottoms
- Service Tops and Pushy Bottoms
- Versatility (Switches)
- Pro-Dommes and Their Clients
- Human Animals and Their Handlers
- Fuck Buddies, Tricks and Others
I appreciate chapter 5 that covers what I try to teach here on Submissive Guide, which is you must know yourself and what you need from kink and a partner before you can seek them out.
Moving to the meat of the book, which is finding partners and the varied permutations of partnerships that can develop from monogamous partners, to polyamory, leather families, and other groups I found it quite educational because I don’t have any experience or exposure to leather families. I enjoyed reading about the different groups that can form.
The strength of this book can also be its weakness in some cases. I like that the author uses a lot of external resources in his explanations and he uses an educational textbook-style on occasions, but for many people this will not be an easy to read book and I know I had to put it down several times because it was just getting too much information above and beyond what I was looking for.
So if you are ready to move beyond primers and how-tos, this is a good book to pick up. The analysis is great, it will make you think and perhaps see things just a bit differently. I know I did.