In order to understand unusual sexualities such as dominance and submission, one first has to consider the question ‘What is normal?‘ If the unique function of sex is reproductive—and the only reason men and women should engage in sex is for the purpose of creating a new life—then only heterosexual intercourse is normal. By this standard, many common acts, even contraception, must be considered aberrant. Reproductive relevance was the Victorian standard of normalcy, and even today many of the laws in the United States still abide by that model. But people have always pursued sex for both reproduction and for pleasure and well-being.
Review
Today’s BDSM lifestyle practitioners thrive on real experiences to help them learn and grow within their own personal choices. Many books written for the beginner are not so filled with real life stories as Different Loving. I chose to review this book here because I know I learned more about myself and what I wanted to be involved in than any basic ‘this is BDSM’ book I had read previously.
Different Loving by Gloria Brahme, William Brahme and Jon Jacobs is yet another book recommended for the BDSM beginner, but not one that I would recommend as a first book. Yes, it is a fantastic resource for those wanting to know what people within the scene really think about different activities and aspects of BDSM. Because the reading is more textbook in the format with profiles and extensive interviews, it may not be as friendly to read as some other recommended reading.
When you flip through the book, the first thing you may notice that unlike other beginning BDSM books, there are no pictures. This is an educational view on D/s pure and simple. Broken into seven sections to focus on different aspects of BDSM such as the relationship, SM, body modification, gender lines, fetishism, and watersports. Each section has interviews and uses quotes intensively to discuss each idea or activity. You get to know real people and learn BDSM away from the fantasy of it. Every section has a definition of the activities described and wonderful supporting information. Interviews follow with profiles of people participating in the activity or practice. You get a feel for what happens and some clever stories of scenes and people’s lives.
The history of the activities is researched and shared so that we can find a beginning point for human desire and sexual curiosity. I especially appreciate the beginning chapters on the history of D/s and BDSM from Victorian roots. The authors describe the methods, psychological bases and the history of each activity as you learn from several hundred interviews throughout the book that you are not alone in your explorations.
