This is not a book that explains what BDSM is, this is a book that explains what BDSM is all about.This is a book for people who are considering stepping into real time BDSM, and it is also a book for people who have been involved in the community for a while.This book treats the world of BDSM as a culture unto itself and goes a long way to explaining the expectations, rules, and words that are common to this culture.This book does not tell you how to use any implements (floggers, canes, etc), but it does explain why in the world you’d want to use such implements.This is a must-have resource book for your kink library.
Review
It’s been a long while since I’ve reviewed any books on Submissive Guide and boy do I have a backlog! The first book up for review is from the BDSM Mastery series by Robert J Rubel Ph.D and M. Jen Fairfield titled BDSM Mastery – Basics: your guide to play, parties and scene protocols. This book is written for people interested in entering the face to face community and exploring BDSM in their lives. It’s also helpful for people who have played privately but are ready to get into the local scene. As Bob explains in the Introduction, “This is not a book that explains what BDSM is, this is a book that explains what BDSM is all about.”
And he sticks with that through the book. It’s more than definitions and simple logic, it’s a walk-through about how BDSM looks and feels, how it develops and how to find people that like the things you do. So, if you are looking for a book that tells you how to use a cane, or where the danger spots are on the body, you won’t find it here. But you will find why someone would enjoy caning, how to physiologically set up a scene and learn about the importance of trust when building a scene.
The authors propel the reader through the book with stories and first-hand accounts, quotes, and input from others well known in the BDSM community. This is definitely a plus, considering I’ve read a lot of beginning BDSM books and they tend to get dry and boring if you don’t include any anecdotes. Of course, most of them were more focused on definitions and labels, than really walking you through BDSM as an interactive part.
Once you get past the introduction you’ll learn about safety and get to know yourself within BDSM, finding partners and stepping out into the local community through munches and parties. Don’t skip over these sections, even if you are an active participant in the scene! There is valuable information in this book for experienced people too.
My favorite chapter was chapter 5 on Negotiations and Play. Far too often, leaders and teachers gloss over appropriate negotiation techniques not only for playing but for relationships, witnessing a scene and even aftercare. Bob and Jen do a wonderful job emphasizing the negotiation phase and how to do it as thoroughly as possible so that the exchange between the people is fulfilling for both. Not only that, they cover how to witness a scene, how to approach the players after play if you have questions and how to address the dungeon monitor if you have concerns. These things rarely get addressed, and unless they are talked about at the beginning of a party, novices don’t know the protocol behind any of these things.
If you are looking for how to set up a scene and what goes on during play, what to do if things go wrong and so much more to do with scenes you’ll get a lot of wonderful information in the remaining chapters of the book. I really appreciated these chapters because a lot of the questions that I get about what a scene looks like can be answered in these sections. It always helps to have resource material to offer people!
This book is definitely getting added to my recommended reading for novices.