wants and needs

How do I ask my Dominant for what I want without sounding demanding?

Full Question: How do I ask my Dominant for what I want without sounding demanding? Answer:  First, communication is the only way your Dominant will know anything about what you want and need, so talking about those things is important to the health of your relationship and your submissive journey. Healthy communication styles require practice

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How can I explain to my partner that pain play isn’t my only desired source of pleasure?

Full Question: How can I explain to my wife that while I enjoy being spanked and flogged, it doesn’t mean pain play is my only source of pleasure or intimacy? Answer:  Your communication with your wife should be open and honest, even about things in the bedroom. It can be difficult for people to talk

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What Do You Mean When You Say Communicate? I am Communicating!

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. People in the D/s and BDSM lifestyles love to say this word. We emphasize that it’s the cornerstone of the relationship, that it is the key to a successful relationship and that negotiation, a form of communication, needs to be done on a regular basis depending on the situation and relationship type.

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Why Identifying Your Wants and Needs is So Important as a Novice Submissive

This entry is part 2 of 10 in the series Submissive Wants and Needs

Wants and needs. As novice submissives, we hear this phrase over and over. Make sure you know your wants and needs. Does this person or that person fulfill your wants and needs? How should we talk about our wants and needs with someone? First, let’s define them. Need: Something that is not negotiable for a

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Are There Basic Expectations in a Dominant That I Should Look For?

Weeding through the number of messages in your inbox asking to get to know you better is a daunting task to most single people, and being submissive looking for a Dominant is no different. Well, perhaps it’s a little different. The compatibility that you are looking for as a submissive is more specific and challenging.

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30 Days of Submission: Day 18 – Communicating Needs and Wants

This entry is part 19 of 31 in the series 30 Days of Submission

Read the entire series – go back to the Introduction of the 30 Days of Submission! Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how

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Know Thyself, Don’t Rush Into a Relationship Until You Know These Six Things

The excitement of a new D/s relationship is often the first thing that a novice submissive seeks. How else are they going to learn about play, and submission than in a relationship, they might reason. There is a better, more prepared way than jumping into a relationship with someone before you are ready. Taking the

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What Should You Do When Your Wants or Needs Aren’t Met?

This entry is part 6 of 10 in the series Submissive Wants and Needs

To conclude this series on wants and needs I’d like to talk about what to do when you needs and wants are not being met.  We’ve already discussed how important the fulfillment of needs are to your relationship and also what your desires are. You can also review how to express your wants and needs to your partner so

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How To Talk About Your Wants and Needs With Your Dominant

This entry is part 3 of 10 in the series Submissive Wants and Needs

In the previous post about Wants and Needs we began to understand the importance of Needs for ourselves and our relationship. If you would like to go back and read The Importance of Needs to review, please do so. In this post, I’d like to talk about how to express your wants and needs with yourself and

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What Everybody Ought To Know About Basic Needs and Need Deficits

This entry is part 10 of 10 in the series Submissive Wants and Needs

In the previous post about wants and needs you made a list of your wants and a list of your needs so that you had them defined for your training resume. In this essay, I will share why needs are so important to your overall health and happiness in a relationship and why settling for less than

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