Full Question: How do I feel safe using safewords again after they have been violated/ignored by a previous partner? Answer: I’m so sorry to hear you had a bad experience with a previous play partner. First and foremost, prioritize your healing from the previous violation. Take the time you need to process what happened and […]
How do I feel safe using safewords again after they were ignored previously? Read More »
Full Question: When do you start discussing safe words? Answer: The short answer is you start discussing safe words when you begin negotiating playing with someone. I’d even consider having one for sex. It’s just a good idea all around to have a way to tell your partner you need to stop when saying “stop”
When do you start discussing safe words? Read More »
Full Question: If you’re relatively new to all of this and are building a dynamic with a new dom, what is your thought on randomly and only occasionally calling the safe word for the purpose of building the trust that they will, in fact, stop? Answer: It’s not uncommon for submissives to want to test
Using Your Safeword to Test Their Trust? Read More »
Full Question: I am a submissive female. I broke up with my boyfriend because he pushed me too far and I wasn’t in a position to slow him down. I have/had a safeword, but I wasn’t able to use it because I was umm . . . in a vulnerable position. What other ways are
Other Ways to Slow Things Down Besides a Safeword Read More »
This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. One of the most talked about features of the BDSM community is the existence and usage of the Safe Word or Safe Call or Safe Sign. For a new Dominant and new sub
Safewords Don’t Automatically Mean You’re Safe Read More »
Safety comes in many forms and at any level of risk awareness. One of the very first things you learn when you encounter BDSM is the use of safewords. Even this site has numerous articles covering the basics of safewords. But now, I feel it’s time to gather everything together and really dig deep into
What You Don’t Know About Using Safewords Could Harm You – Get The Facts Read More »
During Cyber Monday sales, I decided to treat myself to a couple of new books. I bought The Trainer and The Academy, both by Laura Antoniou, books three and four in The Marketplace series. I have been a huge fan of this series for several years now and just recently reintroduced myself to it. I own the first two
That Don’t Impress Me Much: Why You Should Not Withhold Your Safeword Read More »
Recently I was in a discussion about safewords, but it wasn’t the usual definitions and whether they are truly useful so I thought I’d work though my thoughts on it here and share it with you. The question that was presented was whether safewords should be allowed during punishment and if they weren’t was that considered abuse. A lot of good
Safewords During Disciplinary Punishment: Yay or Nay? Read More »
Your safeword is your lifeline for play. It is a way to express you’ve reached a limit, whether that is a physical limit or an emotional one. The couples that play with safewords know that there is an often unspoken importance in only using it when it is necessary and this is a large reason
After “Red” : How to Manage the Aftermath When You’ve Used Your Safeword Read More »
When learning about personal safety and BDSM you likely hear the word safeword more than once. A safeword is used as a last resort when you need the play you are engaged in to end. But there’s an unintentional negative stigma surrounding using your safeword that needs to be understood. You are not a failure if
Using Your Safeword Is Not a Sign of Failure Read More »
The adventures in the bedroom or dungeon are a lot of fun and you can get lost in the intense responses and pleasure during these moments. It is not without its own challenge of safety and communication. When the intensity of activities go up it’s not uncommon for tops and bottoms alike to lose the
Understanding Vocal and Nonvocal Safe Words for Safe Play Read More »
Imagine this; you are playing and happily enjoying what is going on between the two of you. As the scene continues you start to feel pushed to your limit, but you continue to play. Then, almost without warning, you hit a wall and (hopefully) safeword. You’ve just hit a limit. It could be a temporary
What To Do When You Encounter Limits Mid Scene Read More »
Have you ever wondered why we use safe words in this lifestyle? I have pondered that a time or two and have always come to a conclusion that it is what makes this lifestyle safe. Without them, we are bordering on harming the other person if we go too far. It is important to develop
Developing Trust in Your Dominant and The Proper Use of a Safe Word Read More »
I’ve talked about safewords here before. I believe they are very important for new relationships and when new activities are being introduced. A stop word is a break in the play; one that typically halts play completely, but can also be one where slowing down is the direction. Yes there are people who don’t use safewords and
Use Your Safeword Without Guilt – You Are NOT a Bad Sub For Needing It Read More »
On the subject of sub drop and mental health issues, Aletheia asked: I have suffered from clinical depression since early adolescence, if not childhood. I’ve been on medication for ten years, and rarely feel depressed anymore. My mentor suggested that I might want to avoid heavy or intense play, as she suspects that with my
Kink and Mental Health: Can “sub drop” be a trigger? Read More »
I’ve always believed that safewords are only good if you know how to use them. Good ole communication is great for things like numb limbs, an itch you can’t reach or a bathroom break. Submissive Guide is here for novices and it’s always good to teach about safewords and recommend that you have one. In
The Safety Disguise of Safewords: Safewords Are Not Always Safe Read More »
At the beginning of this blog, I wrote about safewords. Just a reminder that a safeword is a signal that ends BDSM play and usually negotiated before play. It’s an excellent starting point but I left a part of it out. There will be occasions during BDSM play where you will be unable to speak. In
Nonverbal Ways to Safeword Read More »
When you start exploring BDSM, you should equip yourself with a few foundational tools so that every experience is as safe and consensual as it can be. BDSM can push your physical, mental, and emotional boundaries, but there is always a need for a “safety net.” That’s where safewords come in. A BDSM safeword is
Your Essential Guide to BDSM Safewords Read More »
