Full Question: My Dom and I have been together for three years. We are each other’s first when it comes to D/s, and we are learning and exploring together. Mostly, we have navigated and communicated our journey wonderfully. However, He opened up to me a few days after quite an extreme scene, where I cried […]
Dominant’s Feelings Create Internal Conflict with Pain Play Read More »
When I first learned about BDSM, and then that I enjoyed pain play as a masochist, there was a moment when a Top that I had asked to play with asked me a very specific question, at least I thought it was specific at the time. “Stingy or thuddy?” Did I prefer, sting or thud
Be More Specific About Pain – When a Tool is More Than Sting or Thud Read More »
This is another post in the series about a submissive’s perspective in play. This one is on canes and caning, but I’ve also written on gags, spanking, flogging and rope bondage. My first exposure to canes was that of some amateur porn I stumbled across and it made me so terrified of canes that I vowed never to experience them.
Perspectives: Canes Read More »
I have heard it a thousand times, someone doesn’t like pain so they are not interested in BDSM. In practically every case the person making that statement retracts it once they find out how erotic some pain can be. Pain doesn’t have to be painful, and other stimuli can be pleasurable and can either mask
But I Don’t Like Pain! Learning to See the Eroticism in Pain as Pleasure Read More »
When we learn about pain processing in relation to play and scenes with our sadist partner it’s always a good idea to understand negative processing methods. The things that make handling pain and enjoying longer sessions harder and sometimes impossible. Hopefully, you’ve learned about your own negative methods in the previous video. Today we’ll talk
Learning About Positive Pain Processing Methods Read More »
This is a guest post by kaya of Under His Hand. I tend to think of my particular brand of masochism like a chronic illness. Like, say, the diabeetus. (Some) people who have diabetes have to stab themselves with needles regularly. They have to take shots and watch their diet, and they do these things,
The Curse of Masochism Read More »
Whether you are a hard-core masochist or just a light explorer of sadomasochistic pain play there are always opportunies to experience more, push yourself harder and enhance your pain management techniques. How you learn to do this, and the techniques you employ are unique from submissive to submissive (masochist to masochist) – however there are
How To Manage, Increase and Explore Pain Tolerances in SM Play Read More »
This essay was first written and published in the Society of Janus newsletter “Growing Pains.” I hope you enjoy! Pushing boundaries in pain tolerance is a common request for submissives of all flavors. As a masochist I enjoy pain for the sake of pain. I don’t always want to escape from it; rarely do I
Learning Better Pain Processing Through Visualization Read More »
I believe the second kinky activity introduced to me after spanking was flogging. Since then I’ve had a love/love relationship with it. Flogging is when a top uses a multi-tailed whip to strike in a swinging motion, often times rhythmically. The material that the flogger is made of varies as much as the sensation. Suede is
Perspectives: Flogging Read More »
Erotic spanking. It is probably the most common kinky play activity and is done in a lot of relationships that may know nothing about kink at all to those who are extremely kinky. It’s just a hot thing to do during sex. I was being spanked long before I entered the scene. I hope that
Perspectives: Erotic Spanking Read More »
Continuing on the topic of processing pain we come to a very basic question, “What’s the benefit of this pain, anyway?” If you aren’t a masochist this can be a question with no clear answer. Some say, “it is part of submission,” others “to please their Sadistic Top,” and still others can say, “the benefits
Processing Pain in Play: What is the Benefit of Pain, Anyway? Read More »
This is a continuing of the series on pain processing. If you want to read previous essays, check the first in the series on natural pain processing. Pain processing is natural to a certain extent. For some people—boys more than girls—an additional degree of pain processing is taught from a very early age, but not always
Processing Pain in Play: Learning a Processing Technique Read More »
BDSM immediately conjures up images of a whip-wielding Dominatrix punishing some poor submissive who is screaming in pain. As delightful as that image is, not everyone who is a bottom or submissive is in this lifestyle to experience pain. It must be daunting for the newbie who does not enjoy pain to come to a
Submitting to Pain When You Are Not a Masochist Read More »
When you engage in playtime with a Dominant your body is the canvas for sensation and pleasure. You can run the gamut of emotions and many of them can take you by surprise. It’s not uncommon even for someone who plays regularly to be shocked by a new reaction to a play activity that they
Understanding Your Body’s Responses During Play Read More »
Being that I’m a masochist, I love pain. I’ve never really thought about it or analyzed what that means really, but reading other people’s blogs has always helped me see that saying I’m masochist is just another huge personal term in BDSM as a whole. So, to think it though, this is what being a
Processing Pain and Being a Masochist Read More »
This is a guest post by Nadia West for the BDSM activities series. I’m fairly new to caning, but I’ve discovered that I like it a lot (even if I can’t take as much as some people can). I was afraid of canes for a long time because I had heard they’re rough pain-wise. While
With the Stroke of a Cane: Enjoying Caning Read More »
