Full Question: My question revolves around the idea of being a new sub and wanting desperately to act it out with almost anyone who will play the Domme. It’s a kind of frenzy. But as you grow into the role, how do you set sensible boundaries and have a code of honor and values so […]
How do you set sensible boundaries when you’re a new sub? Read More »
When an individual enters a relationship, it’s quite easy to lose yourself. You start using ‘we’ instead. “We” liked the movie, “We didn’t like the restaurant” and of course, there’s all those love songs about two becoming one (I am so sorry if the Spice Girls song 2 Becomes 1 is now stuck in your
Remember Who You Are – Staying True to Yourself in a D/s Relationship Read More »
Online submission was and still is a very popular choice for many people, especially the novice submissive and the curious outsider. But it also attracts the not so honest people, the predators and those looking for the weak and vulnerable for their own selfish needs. And that’s why, if you wish to be an online
How to Tell When That Online Training Dom is a Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing Read More »
One of the biggest challenges we face in the kinky community is the acceptance of kinks that do not align with our own. A group of individuals can bond over a shared desire to bend over someone over their knees and give him a good spanking. But introduce an individual who enjoys hanging others by
Why SSC and RACK Are Both Important Safety Acronyms to Know Read More »
I’ve written a few times about the change in my personal relationship with KnyghtMare and I. He had play and relationship needs that I couldn’t meet and it was creating a rift between us. The only solution that we could see was to open up the relationship. It evolved into a polyamorous dynamic shortly after
How I Identify as Monogamous in a Poly Dynamic Read More »
I recently had a conversation with my boss that went something like this: Boss: “We’d like you to start doing some of your colleague’s work because you’re caught up and she’s behind.” Me: “I would be happy to help, but I see that none of these things are in my job description.” Boss: “They aren’t,
You’re Not the Boss of Me! Empowerment Through Submission Read More »
A few months ago, a heated topic was being discussed in a lifestyle group that I’m a member of on Facebook. The reason the topic became so heated was that, well, of me. I wasn’t really surprised by this because well, I do have a tendency to create controversy. It was so bad this time,
The Controversy of Safe Words during Punishment Read More »
This is the first in an ongoing series where I will be writing about key factors it takes to have a successful relationship. This first article is about the importance that communication plays in our relationships. Awhile ago, I came across this article in the NY Times about how BDSM has become a bit more mainstream thanks
Keys to a Successful Relationship-It’s All About Communication Read More »
We are surrounded by boundaries and fences, limits, and “do no pass” signs. Everything we do has limitations and restrictions. So, it may come as no surprise that you, too, have limits you will not cross, whether in your relationship or for sex and play. Some limits are temporary, while others are permanent. Others exist
What Everyone Ought to Know About Finding and Managing Limits Read More »
I was talking with a friend of mine awhile ago and she said something that really piqued my attention. She was telling me about her boyfriend and how upset she is over the fact that he won’t chase after her. They had some kind of argument and stormed out of the apartment. She got in
The Chase is On – Communicating Openly With Your Dominant Read More »
I’ve been involved with local and regional BDSM groups since I first learned about BDSM in 2003. You get to meet a lot of people during events and some of them have quirks and perversions that you’ve never heard of. You’ll meet white collar, blue collar and poverty stricken people in the same room enjoying
Rule #1 – Don’t Touch Anything Without Permission Read More »
Imagine this; you are playing and happily enjoying what is going on between the two of you. As the scene continues you start to feel pushed to your limit, but you continue to play. Then, almost without warning, you hit a wall and (hopefully) safeword. You’ve just hit a limit. It could be a temporary
What To Do When You Encounter Limits Mid Scene Read More »
BDSM and Sex Sex and BDSM They do not have to go together, did you know that? While much of what we do in the bedroom can be considered sexual or sensual in nature it does not mean that you have to engage in sexual contact during play. Oftentimes during negotiation people will forget the
Why BDSM and Sex are Not Always Connected Read More »
We all put a huge amount of thought into our contacts -or we should. But there are often times that things arise and we have no way of predicting them. I recently shared another post about “Outside Forces.” In that post, I talked about steps that may be taken when an outside force storms it
Points to Negotiate in Your D/s Contact That May Not Have Ever Occurred to You Read More »
I am a high maintenance submissive. I’m well aware of the work that my Master has to constantly do to keep me happy and to keep him well-pleased. I’m not ashamed of it because that is who I always have been and he loves me for it. He even encourages some of it. Much of
I Don’t Want to Complain Too Much Read More »
Recently, I was contemplating the situation of being single in the Scene because of an email I received from someone concerning interacting with male dominants. Essentially, she responded to the sexual whims of the men she met online from the space of not having any boundaries set. Part of her inquiry to me was why
Single in the Scene Part I: Boundaries Read More »
Every semester I present a BDSM panel at my alma mater for the Human Sexuality class. I’ve been doing it for almost 8 years now and it doesn’t appear to be ending any time soon. The teacher always asks for me to pull some people together and says that he gets a lot of excellent
Talking About BDSM to Vanilla Folk: What to Say and What to Avoid Read More »
How many of you post pictures on the Internet of your BDSM experiences? Or maybe on FetLife or your blog? Sharing photos has been something I have done from the very beginning. For a long time, though, I was uncomfortable showing my face in any fetish pictures since I was partly worried about the risk of being outed and
Showing Face: How Time Has Changed ThisGirl’s Perceptions of Sharing Photos Online Read More »
Essentially I think we all believe that Dominant/submissive is an exchange of power but when you talk about it with others there happens to be two schools of thought on it. It can really get confusing because each side believes they are right. I’d like to present to you the two ideas and let you
Who Really Has the Power in a D/s Relationship? Read More »
This is a guest post by Darkrose. BDSM relationships make the argument on abuse much more complicated than it already is, and those in TPE relationship have an even harder time than that. For non-kinky people it’s pretty easy to define abuse. Webster’s Dictionary defines abuse as “improper use or handling, misuse, physical maltreatment, insulting
The Abuse Debate: A Matter of Acceptance Not Consent Read More »
