The proper apology is an art, it really is. But before we put that together I’d like to cover the reason for apologizing in the first place.
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Apologizing is not admitting your intentional disobedience. It’s not about accepting the blame either. It is purely about acknowledging that you have displeased your Dominant in some way; it’s about knowing that your Dominant is unhappy and that you will take every step to make sure it does not happen again.
I’ve made this mistake I don’t know how many times in the past, thinking that if I apologized that I’d be accepting the blame or that I misstepped on purpose. I’m still learning this hard truth so I hope that my sharing it with you here gives you some pause to think. Don’t refuse to apologize – that is direct disobedience. Take it upon yourself to correct your Dominant’s displeasure with an apology. Then move on.
A casual apology is always, “I’m sorry” or “Pardon me” or “I apologize.” It is enough for most Dominants.
There are four steps to a formal proper apology. I’m sorry is not enough. It’s never enough. It is the starting point though.
You initiate the apology with a phrase along these lines.
“I’m sorry…” “Please forgive me…” “I apologize…” “I beg your pardon…”
Then you give an acclimation where you admit the error or offense. If you do not know what you did wrong you can still admit to a mistake.
“I was unaware your cup was empty.” “It was not my intention to displease you.” “I missed your first set of directions.”
Next, the affirmation will assure the Dominant that you intend for it to not happen in the future.
“I assure you this will not happen again.” “I will make every effort to be more aware of your needs.” “I will see that it never happens again.”
And then finally you present an offer of acceptance. This could be for punishment or for immediate correction of your misdeed.
“I present myself for your correction so that I may remember this incident.” “Please allow me to refresh your beverage.” “May I do anything to correct my mistake now, Sir?”
My personal formal apology for my misbehavior is:
“I’m sorry Master, I was a bad girl, please forgive me.” I have to say that no matter where I am or what I’m doing if I am found to have made a mistake. It’s hard in public, trust me. But I think that’s part of the chastisement – that I have to say it in public.
Lastly, you have to feel sorry. Just saying the words will not correct the mistake. You have to feel it and remember it and make sure it is corrected for the future. Now, I’m not saying you have to constantly remind yourself of your slip ups, but just be more aware. Learn from these trips and you can lessen the need to have to apologize in the first place.
