I know that if you spend any amount of time online in kink related social networks or chat rooms you will encounter the following person a time or two. This person identifies as sub and through their writing, you notice they treat every single Dominant as if they are serving them. Whether it be by using a title “Sir” for them without asking, are abeyant to them by agreeing to everything they say and otherwise going above and beyond common respect. It’s like they are sucking up to every Dominant to attract attention. I call this insta-sub.
Add water and mix well.
Now, let’s get this clear that I have no issue with treating Dominants with respect or following your own Dominant’s rules as far as exchanges online. What causes me to shake my head are the over-eager types that seem to think that they have to show just how submissive they are in order to ‘catch’ a Dominant’s attention.
Unfortunately, the only ones that I see picking up these insta-subs are insta-doms. And then they wonder why the person disappears when things might be getting serious and the sub has dropped their effort and submissive display. They write about their poor treatment and rarely explain how they too were in the wrong. You then can read their responses to others and they are sucking up to every Dominant that chimes in with any advice. Back to their old tricks.
These insta-subs are two breeds. There are the players, who find online D/s a fun game and they go fishing exactly for the insta-doms that take the bait. Unfortunately, the subs of this breed are overly common on social networks where they can get the attention they want for little effort.
The other breed is brand new subs who haven’t learned one way or another what is expected of them and unfortunately have picked up on this way to behave and assumed that was the way you should behave. Yes, it is nice to behave submissively when you are submissive. You shouldn’t have to lay it on thick though. Subtle submission is just as beautiful and Dominants can pick up on it.
My suggestion for the second breed of insta-subs is to sit back and do some reading and watching before you take on a behavior that isn’t natural to you. Those of us who are living it every day should lead by example. The mantle of submission is not always flashy and garish.
If we stop feeding the insta-subs of the first breed they will stop coming by. So the next time you read a post and it’s obvious that they are trying to bait for responses, let it go. Show them that being a submissive does not mean you have to wave it around like a flag.