In my earlier BDSM Basics videos you learned about being kinky and what roles you might like to try while you explore the great big world of BDSM. Today I’m going to talk about safety. Every new thing you try is full of risks, some you are willing to take and others you aren’t. So knowing about the safety precautions that can save your mind and body are always a good thing. Sure it tends to be a boring discussion but very necessary if you plan on engaging in BDSM activities.
Safety in BDSM comes with a mantra. Safe, sane and consensual; boiled down to SSC. What a lot you may be wondering though is what is safe and sane when it comes to BDSM play. Fantasies aren’t always about being safe or about staying within the boundaries of society. To enact them out will likely present you with some risk. Even something as simple as a spanking comes with a bit of risk.
Safe
With that in mind the idea behind being safe is that everyone is aware that there are risks in what they are doing and are prepared to learn, understand and practice safe play. Take, for example, that spanking from above. Risks might include bruising or welts, dangerous areas of the buttocks that can’t handle a full strike or shouldn’t be struck at all. And in all play there are things to consider like negotiation where you talk about what you want to do and what medical, emotional or physical stress you might be under before you play. Safety is all about prepared awareness.
Some people will argue that nothing we do in BDSM is really safe and that we all play with a level of risk awareness instead. That’s an okay way to think of it too. In that case, safety is relative to the awareness of the people involved and the preparedness they have in dealing with the risk and consequences should something go wrong. It’s about your own sense of safety in this instance. Also, making sure you are using protection and safe barriers when playing.
Sane
Sanity is questionable right? Well, no. A BDSM activity is sane when it can be enacted in reality safely and without consequence. There are some extreme fantasies out there that just aren’t sane. Mutilation fantasies, extreme blood-letting, play with non-consenting partners and so on and so on. None of these can sanely be acted upon. Sure you can fantasize about them, and there are some people who can create a false sense that they are actually happening to act out the fantasy for someone. But never does the play actually occur.
Sanity also means that you and your partner will not play under the influence. Anything that can cloud your judgement, your senses or your mental capacities is dangerous and immediately withdraws consent. Yes, you’ve likely heard of people playing while drunk and being okay with that. But when was the last time you had good judgement while under the influence? Really?
Consensual
Consensuality is the largest factor in anything we do in BDSM. It has a lot to do with agreeing to explore and try new things. It means we trust our partners and it means we trust our awareness of the risks involved. It’s probably one reason consent is so very important to BDSM. It’s also important to understand that consenting to play also means that you consent to your feelings and reactions to the play when it’s all done. Feelings of regret, confusion and lack of understanding can happen, but remembering that you consented might ease them a bit. (And give your partner a bit of confidence that you aren’t going to report them to the police for something you clearly consented to at the time.)
Remember, keep it safe, within the boundaries of reality and inside agreed limits and you’ll have a great time!
Are you just getting started in BDSM? What sorts of questions do you have? They just might end up in the next Beginning BDSM video post!