Full Question: Can you talk about punishment dynamics? What’s fair? What’s too much? How do you negotiate it?
Answer:
A punishment dynamic is a consensual agreement between partners that the Dominant one will watch and correct poor behavior in the submissive. This can be from following rules and particular instructions or used to break bad habits and develop healthy ones.
In a punishment dynamic, a negative action has consequences. If you forget to do as instructed or talk back to your Dominant, you will be punished for that. The route is different for each person and can vary. The punishment usually fits the crime.
Punishment for your behavior can vary widely and can include physical punishment like spanking, or it can be a removal of privileges, and even a mixture of the two. Punishment in this situation is never meant to be fun or pleasurable for either party.
Negotiating a D/s dynamic of any sort needs to be a thorough affair, and if punishment is to be a part of it, everything should be discussed and agreed upon. Some things to discuss are the severity of the offenses, the types of punishments that are agreed upon, and what steps are to be taken before and after punishment so that the foundation of the dynamic remains strong. A submissive who has consented to be disciplined has a right to know what punishment may occur for infractions.
Not all relationships have a punishment dynamic, and those that do, know that punishment is no laughing matter. Punishment is meant to teach ourselves, to learn and grow in the dynamic, and to be humble. It’s not meant to be fun. It’s a means to atone for making a mistake, for behavior correction, or for displeasure.
Knowing what is fair and what is too much is all decided during the negotiation of the relationship, and it should be clear what your expectations are and what punishment will be used for infractions. Punishment must never happen in anger but after emotions are cooled. It should never be a surprise; consent for using a punishment dynamic should be clear and open.
Whether you want a dynamic that includes punishment is a personal decision and one that all parties must consent to engage in. I hope this has helped give you a glimpse into a form of D/s relationships!