Full Question: I am a new dom. How do I not come off as a fake dom?
Answer:
Understandably, when you are new, you feel like everyone is judging you as “real” or “fake,” and it can be hard to find real connections. So, let’s start with what a fake dom really is and talk about some things to avoid so that you don’t get labeled as fake when you are just new to the world of BDSM.
A fake Dominant is someone who is just out for sex, fantasy, and an easy lay. Fake Dominants may also be sexual predators, but this is far less common. So, for the sake of this question, I’m going to assume you are not looking to just hook up for some kinky fun and are trying to find real connections with people.
The most obvious fake Dominant will want to skip to sex quickly. They may start their conversation out sweetly enough, but it will soon become sexual-oriented. They may pressure first dates to become hookups and will not be interested in anything other than sex topics.
Other signs of a potential fake Dominant include:
- Exaggerating their actual experience.
- Trying to establish dominance over you without consent.
- Pressure to avoid first meeting in public, but instead in private, like their home or a hotel room.
- They love getting to know all about you, but they appear to be secretive, avoiding personal questions, and won’t share the same information they want from you.
As long as you do not identify yourself with these traits, you’re off to a good start. Now, it’s not bad that you are new, as long as you are confident enough to admit it. And if you don’t know the answers, do some research. Learn and grow, improve yourself, and, if you can, get out into the local or online BDSM support communities.
Good luck in your journey.