This may be easier than you think, dear s-type!
It is important to remember that finding the right Dominant or Top through dating or shopping around can sometimes feel challenging. I liken the vanilla dating pool to a bowl of cereal. Lots of individual options floating around. Now take a spoonful out and in there- that much smaller section of the whole- is the entire dating pool of kinky people. Then you need to find the right one who has kinks that align with your own? Gosh. It can feel overwhelming sometimes. You ask how to find a partner whose kinks align with yours, so I am here to offer some beginner steps.
First, be able to articulate precisely what you are seeking. I see you say “sexually submissive,” but are you interested in bondage? Sado-masochism? Would you be comfortable switching with your sexual partner and playing the Dominant role as well? The more specific you can speak, and spell out in advance what you are looking for (and not interested in), any soft and hard limits, and what your short and long-term relationship goals are, the better off you will be in finding that ideal person.
Secondly, I encourage you to explore relationships, both in real life and online. I know that many people who are just getting started hesitate to dive into their local BDSM community, but I always like to encourage just that. We know who is available, who is seeking a play partner, and who has been safe at public events. Seeking online is fine, but the BDSM community as a whole is helpful in finding partnerships.
Finally, you need to expand your horizons in terms of the time and distance you’re willing to invest to find the right person to explore with. Many of us travel for hours to attend events and conferences. We cross state lines or hop on an airplane. Be sure to use all safety precautions when doing so. Pretty soon, with time, dedication, and speaking your preferences aloud, you’ll pull the right person out of the cereal bowl. Good luck.
