Question: How can I help my Dominant when they are in Dom Drop? What about if we both drop at the same time?
Answer:
A common conversation in BDSM circles is sub drop but rarely, if ever, is Dom drop discussed. It is a real thing and does happen! We focus so much on caring for the submissive that the Dominant is often left to their own devices.
First, before we talk about how to care for a Dom that is suffering from a drop we should discuss what Dom drop is. Dom drop is very much the same as sub drop – but they can have more emotional turmoil than submissives might. After all, they just spent a good afternoon beating your ass red, black and blue… and enjoyed it! Society teaches us that it is wrong to do that. We grow up being told not to hit anyone and that if you enjoy it you must be messed up! So during Dom drop, there is often a period of insecurity, fear, and disgust at what they just did.
Another form of Dom drop is if play stopped suddenly or unexpectedly. If the endorphins and adrenaline are really rushing around they can have a sudden feeling of fatigue, irritability, and depression because of the plummeting good mood of natural drugs dissipating. Either way, the Dominant is dropping.
Along with the muscle aches and pains that are signs of a good time had by all – these moments can freeze a Dominant in their tracks and drive them to depression, reclusiveness, and closed-off behavior. It’s completely normal to go through this.
So how does a submissive help support a Dominant that is suffering from drop?
The best thing you can do is be there, remind them that if they want to talk you will, and provide physical support. If you reassure them that their feelings are valid and normal it will help them recover. Ask them if they need something to drink or eat – resume your submission to them as soon as you feel able to after coming down from your high.
Talk to your Dominant before you play about what they’d like you to do if they drop. They may not even realize that they need something after play. The best thing for them is that you remember to take care of them too and ask them how you can help them relax after playing.
After play, talk about what you liked and enjoyed. Boost their confidence and assurance that they just did something good and positive and worthwhile. Let them feel the connection you got from play by telling them about it. It’s always a good idea to share your experiences.
But what do you do when you’re both in drop?
When you are both suffering from drop it can be hard to be there for each other. You have to take care of yourself before you will be capable of taking care of others.
Prioritizing self-care is important, but sometimes doing care together is the right choice. If you both know that you need the same thing, try doing it together. Take a long nap cuddled up, go out for some comfort food, or share a shower. Whatever you need, try doing it together.