Full Question: Lately, I’ve been noticing my Dominant softening up. He’s been acting like more of a boyfriend than a dominant, and I don’t know why. I’m afraid he may be losing interest in being my dominant. I’m not happy because it is something that I crave and need. I don’t know how to talk to him about it without offending him. How do I speak to him about my concerns without upsetting him? Please help me.
Answer:
Your feelings are valid and it’s tough to watch your partner stop being as Dominant as they have been. Worrying that they aren’t interested in you anymore won’t help the situation. Stress from work or family, and prioritizing other things in life can have an impact on how the dynamic feels and the roles within it. There are a lot of reasons that the dynamic could feel like it’s lessening that have nothing to do with his losing interest in you.
First, you need to think about what feels off with his Dominance. Is it that he’s not giving your tasks and orders to perform? Is it that he’s not addressing the mistakes you are making like he used to? What is he no longer doing or doing less of that is making you feel that he’s being more of a boyfriend than a Dominant?
I’m glad you want to talk with them because that is the only way you are going to get answers. There is a right way and a wrong way to approach a subject that you think might be offensive to someone. The wrong way would be to spring it on them and attack them with accusations. That will guarantee to offend him and upset him. Nothing good ever comes from an argument.
Of course, there is no way to soften the blow of bringing a serious topic to the table, but there are some steps you can take. Treat this as a serious conversation that requires everyone’s full attention. It should never be a surprise, ask your partner when they have available time to have a talk and set a date/time. Remove distractions, turn off phones, send the kids out to play, and do this where the focus is on the two of you. Present the issue using “I feel” statements. Have patience if they don’t know how to answer right away. Listen to really listen, don’t listen to respond.
This may seem like a given, however, I feel it’s important in even power exchange relationships to remind you that honesty is the best, even if it’s painful. You have needs that need addressing and bringing them respectfully to your partner is the best way to get answers and bring your partner into the conversation.