Question: My bf is vanilla, but he’s interested in the lifestyle. I have the experience to teach him, but I’m a sub. How do I educate him without affecting the power balance or offending him?
First off—congratulations! Not only do you have a partner who is curious and willing to learn, but you also have knowledge to share. That’s a powerful combination and an exciting opportunity.
The first thing to ask is: Does he actually want you to teach him? If he’s given you that green light, then you aren’t overstepping. Teaching doesn’t automatically disrupt power dynamics; think of it more like passing along wisdom. Once the lesson ends, the balance shifts right back where it belongs.
The key is how you share your knowledge. Approach it with respect, curiosity, and collaboration rather than authority. Say things like, “Here’s what I’ve seen work well” or “This resource really helped me when I was starting out,” instead of correcting him with a sharp, “No, not like that, let me do it.” Tone makes a world of difference. Nobody enjoys being talked down to, and your partner especially doesn’t want to feel like a child in this process.
If direct teaching feels awkward, you can also support his learning in indirect ways. Suggest books, articles, or websites he can read on his own. Attend a local munch or workshop together so he can hear other perspectives besides yours. Sometimes hearing from multiple voices helps reinforce the same lessons without it feeling like you’re lecturing.
And here’s the big reminder: sharing what you know is still an act of service. If your concern is, “But I’m the sub—won’t this change how he sees me?” think of it this way, you’re helping him grow into a Dominant role, and that serves the relationship. You aren’t “less submissive” because you’re teaching; you’re simply equipping him with tools so he can step into his role with confidence.
It’s definitely a mental shift, but it’s one many submissives have navigated before you. Teaching from a place of devotion and respect keeps the heart of your submission intact.
So yes—share your wisdom, offer resources, encourage exploration, and above all, make it fun. After all, you’re showing him the ropes (maybe quite literally!).
I’ve written about how to use your knowledge and experience as a teaching tool for your Dominant before so go check that out too!
Good luck, and enjoy the journey together.