Full Question: In a 24/7 Daddy/little dynamic with my husband. How can I get back in little headspace after being pissed off at Daddy?
Answer:
It’s difficult to return to any D/s role after a moment of anger. You are likely emotionally charged, and perhaps you still feel pains of anger, frustration, or sadness. Turning around and being a little again has to overcome those hurdles first.
Anger is often the trigger for the fight or flight response. The term describes the release of hormones that flood or prepare your body for action. This process needs at least 20 minutes to completely calm down physiologically. The hormones are then absorbed into the tissues and released in your urine before your body returns to normal. If you continue to rehash the stress, the argument, and the situation in which you feel angry, you are re-flooding your system with these chemicals and have to start the process all over again.
Take a Time Out – Cool off and let go of the emotions stirred up by the argument. Move to another room, and try to relax and focus on something else. Take a few deep breaths to slow your heart rate down. Perform some self-care, like taking a shower, nap, or listening to some soothing music.
Release It – Writing in a journal, reading your favorite book, singing in the shower or car, doing cardio exercises, cooking, and crying are all ways to let go of the emotional cyclone in your body. You need to get the pent-up feelings out to process what was said in an even and balanced way.
Reconnect With Your Partner – The fight likely caused a rift in your relationship. Take some time and be with your Dominant in a positive, non-threatening way.
Remember Who You Are
It can be tough to continue in the same capacity as before the argument. The first step is realizing that it may take a while to recover your role. It doesn’t mean you are a failure. It just means you’ve got more processing to do to get back to where you are.
In other instances, the argument may have brought to light some issues with your submission that you now need to incorporate or remove. It could take days, weeks, or months to adjust, and this period of redressing your role is expected. Knowing these things will make you more self-conscious about the way you submit to your partner.
Find Joy
While dwelling on your anger may seem natural, it won’t help you return to the mindset you want to be in.
Instead, try refocusing on things in your submission or little space that makes you happy. Spend time coloring or watching cartoons. Fetch your blankie, stuffie, and sippy cup, and just be yourself for a while. Even if it feels like you aren’t connecting with your little space at the moment, the items you connect to can help you let go.